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Alice I Have Been
Few works of literature are as universally beloved as Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland. Now, in this spellbinding historical novel, we meet the young girl whose bright spirit sent her on an unforgettable trip down the rabbit hole–and the grown woman whose story is no less enthralling.
But oh my dear, I am tired of being Alice in Wonderland. Does it sound ungrateful?
Alice Liddell Hargreaves’s life has been a richly woven tapestry: As a young woman, wife, mother, and widow, she’s experienced intense passion, great privilege, and greater tragedy. But as she nears her eighty-first birthday, she knows that, to the world around her, she is and will always be only “Alice.” Her life was permanently dog-eared at one fateful moment in her tenth year–the golden summer day she urged a grown-up friend to write down one of his fanciful stories.
That story, a wild tale of rabbits, queens, and a precocious young child, becomes a sensation the world over. Its author, a shy, stuttering Oxford professor, does more than immortalize Alice–he changes her life forever. But even he cannot stop time, as much as he might like to. And as Alice’s childhood slips away, a peacetime of glittering balls and royal romances gives way to the urgent tide of war.
For Alice, the stakes could not be higher, for she is the mother of three grown sons, soldiers all. Yet even as she stands to lose everything she treasures, one part of her will always be the determined, undaunted Alice of the story, who discovered that life beyond the rabbit hole was an astonishing journey.
A love story and a literary mystery, Alice I Have Been brilliantly blends fact and fiction to capture the passionate spirit of a woman who was truly worthy of her fictional alter ego, in a world as captivating as the Wonderland only she could inspire.
But oh my dear, I am tired of being Alice in Wonderland. Does it sound ungrateful?
Alice Liddell Hargreaves’s life has been a richly woven tapestry: As a young woman, wife, mother, and widow, she’s experienced intense passion, great privilege, and greater tragedy. But as she nears her eighty-first birthday, she knows that, to the world around her, she is and will always be only “Alice.” Her life was permanently dog-eared at one fateful moment in her tenth year–the golden summer day she urged a grown-up friend to write down one of his fanciful stories.
That story, a wild tale of rabbits, queens, and a precocious young child, becomes a sensation the world over. Its author, a shy, stuttering Oxford professor, does more than immortalize Alice–he changes her life forever. But even he cannot stop time, as much as he might like to. And as Alice’s childhood slips away, a peacetime of glittering balls and royal romances gives way to the urgent tide of war.
For Alice, the stakes could not be higher, for she is the mother of three grown sons, soldiers all. Yet even as she stands to lose everything she treasures, one part of her will always be the determined, undaunted Alice of the story, who discovered that life beyond the rabbit hole was an astonishing journey.
A love story and a literary mystery, Alice I Have Been brilliantly blends fact and fiction to capture the passionate spirit of a woman who was truly worthy of her fictional alter ego, in a world as captivating as the Wonderland only she could inspire.
345 pages, Audiobook
First published December 9, 2009
About the author
Melanie Benjamin
16 books3,321 followersMelanie Benjamin is the author of the New York Times bestselling novels THE SWANS OF FIFTH AVENUE and THE AVIATOR'S WIFE, as well as the national bestseller ALICE I HAVE BEEN, and THE AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF MRS. TOM THUMB, THE GIRLS IN THE PICTURE, MISTRESS OF THE RITZ and THE CHILDREN'S BLIZZARD. Her next novel is CALIFORNIA GOLDEN, a dazzling saga of mothers, daughters and sisters set in the vibrant surf culture of 1960s California. It will be out in August 2023.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 2,545 reviews
June 1, 2016
I enjoyed this book but I wouldn't recommend it if you really really love the story of Alice's Adventures in Wonderland. Whether you decide to take the author's liberties with the story at face value or not this book will forever change the way you look at Alice's story. It's difficult after reading this book to not view Carroll's novel in a different light; I can't unknown what I know now and that makes me sad.
This novel tells the story of Alice Liddell Hargreaves, a real girl that inspired Lewis Carroll, né Charles Dodgson, to write his novel Alice's Adventures in Wonderland. The author interweaves fact with fiction as she tells the story of Alice's life, with most of the novel being about Alice's childhood and her friendship with Dodgson. It's this friendship with Alice and her sisters that inspires the classic tale, but there's so much more to Alice's story than what happened down the rabbit hole.
The problem I had with this book was that it made me think of Lewis Carroll and Alice's Adventures in Wonderland in an uncomfortable way. I had always enjoyed the story, although Peter Pan will always be my favorite classic childrens tale, but I was still pretty attached to the characters that Carroll had created. Once you know some of the back story though, those warm feelings you had about Alice in Wonderland might start to change.
The author did her research though; I can't fault her for that. I did a lot of cross-checking on Wikipedia and various sites and there's so many aspects of the story that the author could have completely made up but she did a great job of making it believable. You can see the connections she made and come to some of the same conclusions that she did, and she does it all very cleverly. The story is well-told and incredibly engrossing, and heart-breakingly sad on more than one occasion.
I'm curious to see if I read Carroll's novel now if I'd find some hints and clues from his and Alice's real lives. I also hope that this author writes something similar again because I really enjoyed the format in which she wrote. I'll definitely keep an eye out for her next book!
This novel tells the story of Alice Liddell Hargreaves, a real girl that inspired Lewis Carroll, né Charles Dodgson, to write his novel Alice's Adventures in Wonderland. The author interweaves fact with fiction as she tells the story of Alice's life, with most of the novel being about Alice's childhood and her friendship with Dodgson. It's this friendship with Alice and her sisters that inspires the classic tale, but there's so much more to Alice's story than what happened down the rabbit hole.
The problem I had with this book was that it made me think of Lewis Carroll and Alice's Adventures in Wonderland in an uncomfortable way. I had always enjoyed the story, although Peter Pan will always be my favorite classic childrens tale, but I was still pretty attached to the characters that Carroll had created. Once you know some of the back story though, those warm feelings you had about Alice in Wonderland might start to change.
The author did her research though; I can't fault her for that. I did a lot of cross-checking on Wikipedia and various sites and there's so many aspects of the story that the author could have completely made up but she did a great job of making it believable. You can see the connections she made and come to some of the same conclusions that she did, and she does it all very cleverly. The story is well-told and incredibly engrossing, and heart-breakingly sad on more than one occasion.
I'm curious to see if I read Carroll's novel now if I'd find some hints and clues from his and Alice's real lives. I also hope that this author writes something similar again because I really enjoyed the format in which she wrote. I'll definitely keep an eye out for her next book!
July 9, 2017
My apologies to everyone, but this review is full of SPOILERS and it is also ridiculously long. This is something I rarely do, but in this case I felt compelled to write both how I felt and why I felt it and the only way I could do so was to identify specific areas of the book’s plot that brought those feelings up front. I attempted unsuccessfully to hide the spoilers but they are everywhere. If you are highly interested in reading this book, please skip reading my Review until afterward so you can open the pages with impartiality.
Note: Skip down to the very bottom for a fun musical link on YouTube!
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
I want to say up-front that I did enjoy this book from the perspective of historical fiction, with emphasis on the word fiction and despite some big holes. There are very few facts in this book (other than when people were born or died) that have been documented as truth. Even facts themselves, as we know, can also be excised and distorted to support a particular bias and that is a sad truth that I felt was the predominant driving force of this book.
My disappointment in this book comes from the point of view the author chose to exploit: specifically the destructive rumors regarding Mr. Dodgson and his sexual preferences. Especially because none of the rumors have facts to support them, and there is instead evidence to the contrary. Although she stops short of stating Mr. Dodgson somehow molested young Alice Liddell, the licentious flavor of their interactions in the book make Ms. Benjamin’s position very clear.
Melanie Benjamin, on Amazon.com, referring to the photograph taken by Mr. Dodgson of 7 year old Alice Liddell in a beggar girl costume: “It was of a young girl clad only in rags, but with an expression on her face that stopped me in my tracks. She was so adult, so frank, so worldly, as she gazed at the man behind the camera . . . The wise yet wary face in the photograph, the unflappable voice of the girl in the books--all I had to do was capture it on the page.”
This quote encapsulates the first two discrepancies in this book. First, the voice of the girl in the ‘Alice books’ is not Alice. That voice is all Mr. Dodgson (aka Lewis Carroll) creating a pretend Alice for the real Alice’s amusement and that of her sisters. Second, the photograph is not Alice, either. It is Alice pretending to be a beggar girl.
As with books, as with paintings, so with photographs: any number of people are going to ‘see’ them through their own eyes, filter them through their own lenses, and come up with their own interpretations. I have looked and looked at the role-playing photo of Alice Liddell as the “little beggar girl” and to me, her expression is of a poverty ridden child; sad from being poor, and weary from begging - all befitting the role she is playing for the photo shoot. It is the same picture, yet it spawns widely differing interpretations. Ultimately, what viewers think is going on with a person in a photograph is 10% real and 90% in their own heads.
Mr. Dodgson was one of the foremost experimenters in the field of photographic artistry. He took many, many photos of children in various different costumes and settings – including very buttoned-up versions of children wearing “oriental” costumes and so forth. He also took many, many photos of adults and landscapes as well. There were also several other popular photographers during the Victorian age, both male and female, taking the same types of pictures. The children’s facial expressions are most often very somber with an almost ‘frozen’ look to their eyes. This is because it would take anywhere from 45 to 60 seconds or more to achieve the exposure necessary using early photographic equipment. The expressions and poses had to be such that they could be held – in perfect stillness – for that length of time, or the photo would be blurred.
From Smithsonian.com: “Of the approximately 3,000 photo¬graphs Dodgson made in his life, just over half are of children—30 of whom are depicted nude or semi-nude. Some of his portraits—even those in which the model is clothed—might shock 2010 sensibilities, but by Victorian standards they were...well, rather conventional. Photographs of nude children sometimes appeared on postcards or birthday cards, and nude portraits—skillfully done—were praised as art studies, as they were in the work of Dodgson’s contemporary Julia Margaret Cameron. Victorians saw childhood as a state of grace; even nude photographs of children were considered pictures of innocence itself.”
It is well documented that Alice’s family kept a copy of this “controversial” photo in a special leather case to preserve it. For the record, none of the photographs of the Liddell children were nudes. Many famous people had Mr. Dodgson take photos of their children and/or themselves. I realize that I have gone on about the photograph a lot. However, in the author’s own words, it was the photo of Alice that inspired Ms. Benjamin to write this book. That the author interpreted the photo from her own 21st century brain and used that to transcribe a 19th century story leaves me questioning the motives and integrity of the author.
The fact is, Mr. Dodgson lived in close proximity to the Liddell family at Christ Church campus and was close friends with the family both before and after a rift that occurred around the time that Alice was 11 years old. In any age, yet particularly in the Victorian age, no pederast is going to (watching my language here) deposit his leavings where he eats his supper.
The author initially speculates that the rift between Mr. Dodgson and the Liddell family was due to Mr. Dodgson proposing to marry 11 year old Alice. Please. A mathematical genius, a prestigious college don, a talented photographer, gifted writer and illustrator of children’s books wants to marry an 11 year old girl? Seriously. The rift could as likely have been caused by Mr. Dodgson wishing to pay court to the family governess – except the author chose to give the governess a hairy wart on her face, a grotesque smile, and “piggy eyes”; in other words, a governess as unattractive as possible so there could be no competition to the author’s bias.
There was also an incident (fictional) described on a train just prior to the rift where supposedly an 11 year old, sheltered Victorian girl (Alice) made inappropriate advances to a ‘pederast’ (Mr. Dodgson) who, from the age of 13 was writing stories and illustrating them for his younger siblings. In other words, entertaining children and spending time with them telling stories and playing games with them was a lifelong joy for Mr. Dodgson. He was never, in all the years of his life accused of inappropriate behavior outside of unsubstantiated rumor and speculation.
Again, in the Victorian era, an 11 year old girl in the class of Alice’s family would not have had anywhere near the worldliness or capability for coquettishness that many have today. Young girls in those times were strongly buffered from any and all topics that would compromise their innocence and childhood, especially anything of a sexual nature - unlike many 11 year olds today. In addition to its being a fictional, false crutch there are holes in the above highly speculative and damaging ‘caught in the act of inappropriate behavior’ scenario large enough to fire a 3-story building through.
I could speculate that the rift was caused because Alice’s parents wanted to negotiate a “muse fee” for the book, Alice in Wonderland, which was published two years later, after a prolonged court case was satisfactorily settled against the person who was to create the blocks for the illustrations. If Mr. Dodgson declined the “muse fee”, it would explain the rift and would also explain why Alice’s mother allegedly ‘tore through the nursery, gathering up and burning all correspondence with Mr. Dodgson.’ That speculation would be just as accurate as the speculations put forth in this book, if not more so.
Despite the times, despite the highly respected and upper class position of the Liddell family and despite Mr. Dodgson’s documented prudery and strong religious beliefs, in this book little Alice Liddell was portrayed as some kind of Lolita, and Mr. Dodgson, like some kind of sad, reluctant, yet obsessed pederast. Whatever caused the temporary estrangement between the family and Mr. Dodgson was slanted to that point of view.
The author does not bother mentioning the fact that Mr. Dodgson’s friendship resumed with the family shortly after the book was published. If he molested their daughter or made any kind of inappropriate advances at all, would this have happened? No. Would Alice have sat yet again for another photography session with Mr. Dodgson when she was 18? (It’s not clear why the author changed her age to 23 and brought Prince Leopold into that scene because it’s not true and serves only to once again advance a flawed theory.) The answer is still no.
Had anything disrupting Victorian moral values happened in reality, Mr. Dodgson would have been dismissed from his position as a don at Christ Church and left to find his way elsewhere - and he would have been cut from the family’s environs completely. That did not happen.
The author also speculates that Mr. Dodgson was so affected by his break with his muse that he spent the rest of his life trying to find her replacement. Another huge leap away from logic or even common sense. Mr. Dodgson was a photographer. He took photos of children before Alice; he took photos of children after Alice. He also continued to write and illustrate stories, and he continued as the don of mathematics at Christ Church. He also courted women. Grown women.
Furthermore, women enjoyed his company, too, despite “one eye being lower than the other,” which the author states at least 4 times in the book as though this is some kind of indicator of his so-called perverted nature. Even that, overstated as it is, is not true. One of his eyelids was slightly fuller than the other and drooped a tiny bit lower than the other. So what? He also had a stammer, and he limped due to childhood health issues. Again, so what? Are we supposed to believe that certain physical afflictions indicate specific behaviors? Poppycock.
The love affair with Prince Leopold, Queen Victoria’s youngest son, is also fabricated out of thin air. That they were friends is certain; Prince Leopold (along with at least one of his older brothers) was a friend of the Liddell family for the duration of his four years spent at Christ Church where Alice’s father was the Dean – a very prestigious position in those days and one where the Royals were entertained at the Dean’s home when they came to visit their various offspring attending Christ Church.
The author’s ‘proof’ that they were lovers: Prince Leopold gave Alice a jeweled horseshoe pin upon her marriage. Further ‘proof’ is that Prince Leopold named his first daughter Alice, while Alice named her middle son Leopold. Again, during the Victorian age, naming children after friends, especially friends “in high places” was common practice. Additionally, myriad friends of royalty through all ages were (and are) given special gifts upon special occasions. How this gift becomes proof of their love relationship is beyond me. Likewise, in the Victorian age, had they been lovers in fact, they would never have openly named their children after each other and Alice would never have openly worn that pin. It just wasn’t done.
There are several other distortions of fact and inventions of ‘fact’ in this book that serve only to feed small-minded 21st century tendencies to rip fame or the famous to shreds based on rumor only. These include the ugly governess, already mentioned; the fictional love story with a prince, already mentioned; and the cause or reasons for a rift between a man and the family he was close friends with, already mentioned.
These fabrications also include a controlling mother (of Alice and her siblings) who paradoxically allowed her 7 year old daughter to run free and unsupervised, allowed a pederast to undress her and then clothe her in rags – in secret – and yet lovingly preserved the photograph in a leather case; a child (Alice) who seduces an older man (Mr. Dodgson) leaving the man bereft and nonfunctional for the rest of his life (not at all true in reality) while the young girl spends the rest of her life recovering from the trauma (also not true in reality). Alice supposedly had all this angst and anguish despite the so-called passionate interlude with a Royal Prince, portrayed as a love affair that tainted the majority of her later marriage. Oh, and let’s not forget Alice’s victimization by Mr. Ruskin (who was the art instructor at Christ Church) – an acknowledged contrivance of the author, and the sneaky convenience of all letters mentioned and quoted in the book being burned in the end – an unacknowledged contrivance of the author.
This story, as I stated earlier, was mostly well-written as pure fiction and had the author approached it with different names, an invented child’s story, and devised a fictional Prince Charming and villains, this review would have been far different. Instead, this book floats the names of real people who had real lives and real interactions with others that have already been sullied by speculation and rumor and this book only adds to the malicious gossip.
Alice Pleasance Liddell Hargreaves has been deceased for more than 80 years; Charles Lutwidge Dodgson (aka Lewis Carroll) has been deceased for more than 110 years. Can we not let go of our 21st century Reality Show mentality and allow these poor souls to rest in peace?
4 stars for good story telling; minus 2 stars for bad taste.
Added: Just to end on a lighter note, this is a little 2:44 clip on YouTube of Pogo's music and video adaptation from Alice in Wonderland: https://youtu.be/pAwR6w2TgxY - It is charming and fun! :)
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
I want to say up-front that I did enjoy this book from the perspective of historical fiction, with emphasis on the word fiction and despite some big holes. There are very few facts in this book (other than when people were born or died) that have been documented as truth. Even facts themselves, as we know, can also be excised and distorted to support a particular bias and that is a sad truth that I felt was the predominant driving force of this book.
My disappointment in this book comes from the point of view the author chose to exploit: specifically the destructive rumors regarding Mr. Dodgson and his sexual preferences. Especially because none of the rumors have facts to support them, and there is instead evidence to the contrary. Although she stops short of stating Mr. Dodgson somehow molested young Alice Liddell, the licentious flavor of their interactions in the book make Ms. Benjamin’s position very clear.
Melanie Benjamin, on Amazon.com, referring to the photograph taken by Mr. Dodgson of 7 year old Alice Liddell in a beggar girl costume: “It was of a young girl clad only in rags, but with an expression on her face that stopped me in my tracks. She was so adult, so frank, so worldly, as she gazed at the man behind the camera . . . The wise yet wary face in the photograph, the unflappable voice of the girl in the books--all I had to do was capture it on the page.”
This quote encapsulates the first two discrepancies in this book. First, the voice of the girl in the ‘Alice books’ is not Alice. That voice is all Mr. Dodgson (aka Lewis Carroll) creating a pretend Alice for the real Alice’s amusement and that of her sisters. Second, the photograph is not Alice, either. It is Alice pretending to be a beggar girl.
As with books, as with paintings, so with photographs: any number of people are going to ‘see’ them through their own eyes, filter them through their own lenses, and come up with their own interpretations. I have looked and looked at the role-playing photo of Alice Liddell as the “little beggar girl” and to me, her expression is of a poverty ridden child; sad from being poor, and weary from begging - all befitting the role she is playing for the photo shoot. It is the same picture, yet it spawns widely differing interpretations. Ultimately, what viewers think is going on with a person in a photograph is 10% real and 90% in their own heads.
Mr. Dodgson was one of the foremost experimenters in the field of photographic artistry. He took many, many photos of children in various different costumes and settings – including very buttoned-up versions of children wearing “oriental” costumes and so forth. He also took many, many photos of adults and landscapes as well. There were also several other popular photographers during the Victorian age, both male and female, taking the same types of pictures. The children’s facial expressions are most often very somber with an almost ‘frozen’ look to their eyes. This is because it would take anywhere from 45 to 60 seconds or more to achieve the exposure necessary using early photographic equipment. The expressions and poses had to be such that they could be held – in perfect stillness – for that length of time, or the photo would be blurred.
From Smithsonian.com: “Of the approximately 3,000 photo¬graphs Dodgson made in his life, just over half are of children—30 of whom are depicted nude or semi-nude. Some of his portraits—even those in which the model is clothed—might shock 2010 sensibilities, but by Victorian standards they were...well, rather conventional. Photographs of nude children sometimes appeared on postcards or birthday cards, and nude portraits—skillfully done—were praised as art studies, as they were in the work of Dodgson’s contemporary Julia Margaret Cameron. Victorians saw childhood as a state of grace; even nude photographs of children were considered pictures of innocence itself.”
It is well documented that Alice’s family kept a copy of this “controversial” photo in a special leather case to preserve it. For the record, none of the photographs of the Liddell children were nudes. Many famous people had Mr. Dodgson take photos of their children and/or themselves. I realize that I have gone on about the photograph a lot. However, in the author’s own words, it was the photo of Alice that inspired Ms. Benjamin to write this book. That the author interpreted the photo from her own 21st century brain and used that to transcribe a 19th century story leaves me questioning the motives and integrity of the author.
The fact is, Mr. Dodgson lived in close proximity to the Liddell family at Christ Church campus and was close friends with the family both before and after a rift that occurred around the time that Alice was 11 years old. In any age, yet particularly in the Victorian age, no pederast is going to (watching my language here) deposit his leavings where he eats his supper.
The author initially speculates that the rift between Mr. Dodgson and the Liddell family was due to Mr. Dodgson proposing to marry 11 year old Alice. Please. A mathematical genius, a prestigious college don, a talented photographer, gifted writer and illustrator of children’s books wants to marry an 11 year old girl? Seriously. The rift could as likely have been caused by Mr. Dodgson wishing to pay court to the family governess – except the author chose to give the governess a hairy wart on her face, a grotesque smile, and “piggy eyes”; in other words, a governess as unattractive as possible so there could be no competition to the author’s bias.
There was also an incident (fictional) described on a train just prior to the rift where supposedly an 11 year old, sheltered Victorian girl (Alice) made inappropriate advances to a ‘pederast’ (Mr. Dodgson) who, from the age of 13 was writing stories and illustrating them for his younger siblings. In other words, entertaining children and spending time with them telling stories and playing games with them was a lifelong joy for Mr. Dodgson. He was never, in all the years of his life accused of inappropriate behavior outside of unsubstantiated rumor and speculation.
Again, in the Victorian era, an 11 year old girl in the class of Alice’s family would not have had anywhere near the worldliness or capability for coquettishness that many have today. Young girls in those times were strongly buffered from any and all topics that would compromise their innocence and childhood, especially anything of a sexual nature - unlike many 11 year olds today. In addition to its being a fictional, false crutch there are holes in the above highly speculative and damaging ‘caught in the act of inappropriate behavior’ scenario large enough to fire a 3-story building through.
I could speculate that the rift was caused because Alice’s parents wanted to negotiate a “muse fee” for the book, Alice in Wonderland, which was published two years later, after a prolonged court case was satisfactorily settled against the person who was to create the blocks for the illustrations. If Mr. Dodgson declined the “muse fee”, it would explain the rift and would also explain why Alice’s mother allegedly ‘tore through the nursery, gathering up and burning all correspondence with Mr. Dodgson.’ That speculation would be just as accurate as the speculations put forth in this book, if not more so.
Despite the times, despite the highly respected and upper class position of the Liddell family and despite Mr. Dodgson’s documented prudery and strong religious beliefs, in this book little Alice Liddell was portrayed as some kind of Lolita, and Mr. Dodgson, like some kind of sad, reluctant, yet obsessed pederast. Whatever caused the temporary estrangement between the family and Mr. Dodgson was slanted to that point of view.
The author does not bother mentioning the fact that Mr. Dodgson’s friendship resumed with the family shortly after the book was published. If he molested their daughter or made any kind of inappropriate advances at all, would this have happened? No. Would Alice have sat yet again for another photography session with Mr. Dodgson when she was 18? (It’s not clear why the author changed her age to 23 and brought Prince Leopold into that scene because it’s not true and serves only to once again advance a flawed theory.) The answer is still no.
Had anything disrupting Victorian moral values happened in reality, Mr. Dodgson would have been dismissed from his position as a don at Christ Church and left to find his way elsewhere - and he would have been cut from the family’s environs completely. That did not happen.
The author also speculates that Mr. Dodgson was so affected by his break with his muse that he spent the rest of his life trying to find her replacement. Another huge leap away from logic or even common sense. Mr. Dodgson was a photographer. He took photos of children before Alice; he took photos of children after Alice. He also continued to write and illustrate stories, and he continued as the don of mathematics at Christ Church. He also courted women. Grown women.
Furthermore, women enjoyed his company, too, despite “one eye being lower than the other,” which the author states at least 4 times in the book as though this is some kind of indicator of his so-called perverted nature. Even that, overstated as it is, is not true. One of his eyelids was slightly fuller than the other and drooped a tiny bit lower than the other. So what? He also had a stammer, and he limped due to childhood health issues. Again, so what? Are we supposed to believe that certain physical afflictions indicate specific behaviors? Poppycock.
The love affair with Prince Leopold, Queen Victoria’s youngest son, is also fabricated out of thin air. That they were friends is certain; Prince Leopold (along with at least one of his older brothers) was a friend of the Liddell family for the duration of his four years spent at Christ Church where Alice’s father was the Dean – a very prestigious position in those days and one where the Royals were entertained at the Dean’s home when they came to visit their various offspring attending Christ Church.
The author’s ‘proof’ that they were lovers: Prince Leopold gave Alice a jeweled horseshoe pin upon her marriage. Further ‘proof’ is that Prince Leopold named his first daughter Alice, while Alice named her middle son Leopold. Again, during the Victorian age, naming children after friends, especially friends “in high places” was common practice. Additionally, myriad friends of royalty through all ages were (and are) given special gifts upon special occasions. How this gift becomes proof of their love relationship is beyond me. Likewise, in the Victorian age, had they been lovers in fact, they would never have openly named their children after each other and Alice would never have openly worn that pin. It just wasn’t done.
There are several other distortions of fact and inventions of ‘fact’ in this book that serve only to feed small-minded 21st century tendencies to rip fame or the famous to shreds based on rumor only. These include the ugly governess, already mentioned; the fictional love story with a prince, already mentioned; and the cause or reasons for a rift between a man and the family he was close friends with, already mentioned.
These fabrications also include a controlling mother (of Alice and her siblings) who paradoxically allowed her 7 year old daughter to run free and unsupervised, allowed a pederast to undress her and then clothe her in rags – in secret – and yet lovingly preserved the photograph in a leather case; a child (Alice) who seduces an older man (Mr. Dodgson) leaving the man bereft and nonfunctional for the rest of his life (not at all true in reality) while the young girl spends the rest of her life recovering from the trauma (also not true in reality). Alice supposedly had all this angst and anguish despite the so-called passionate interlude with a Royal Prince, portrayed as a love affair that tainted the majority of her later marriage. Oh, and let’s not forget Alice’s victimization by Mr. Ruskin (who was the art instructor at Christ Church) – an acknowledged contrivance of the author, and the sneaky convenience of all letters mentioned and quoted in the book being burned in the end – an unacknowledged contrivance of the author.
This story, as I stated earlier, was mostly well-written as pure fiction and had the author approached it with different names, an invented child’s story, and devised a fictional Prince Charming and villains, this review would have been far different. Instead, this book floats the names of real people who had real lives and real interactions with others that have already been sullied by speculation and rumor and this book only adds to the malicious gossip.
Alice Pleasance Liddell Hargreaves has been deceased for more than 80 years; Charles Lutwidge Dodgson (aka Lewis Carroll) has been deceased for more than 110 years. Can we not let go of our 21st century Reality Show mentality and allow these poor souls to rest in peace?
4 stars for good story telling; minus 2 stars for bad taste.
Added: Just to end on a lighter note, this is a little 2:44 clip on YouTube of Pogo's music and video adaptation from Alice in Wonderland: https://youtu.be/pAwR6w2TgxY - It is charming and fun! :)
June 30, 2022
Why I chose to read this book:
1. upon reading GR friend, Annette B.'s review, I had to add it to my WTR list;
2. author Melanie Benjamin's writing style appeals to me, ever since I've read her novels The Children's Blizzard and The Autobiography of Mrs. Tom Thumb; and,
3. June is my "Biographical Fiction Month"!
Praises:
1. Benjamin's well-researched story delves into the life of Alice Liddell Hargreaves who as a young girl, convinced Rev. Charles Lutwidge Dodgson (aka Lewis Carroll) to write his fantastical story, eventually publishing it as Alice's Adventures in Wonderland. To be honest, I was a little nervous about reading this book based on its possible content, but I needn't have worried - Benjamin's eloquent writing delicately explores Alice's various relationships throughout her life, most importantly the one between the artist (Carroll) and his muse (Alice). She expertly speculates the possibility behind their mysterious break when Alice was an 11-year-old girl and Carroll a 31-year-old man;
2. Benjamin's descriptive writing, credible authenticity and strong character development had me captivated throughout! Told in first person, I could visualize Alice's privileged lifestyle and was moved by her relations with significant people throughout her lifetime; and,
3. Benjamin's section titled "A Reader's Guide" is a MUST READ if you choose to read this book! She clearly states what is fact and what is fiction - very eye-opening!
Overall Thoughts:
Some reviews are pretty harsh about this story, so I'm always amused when readers' noses get bent out of shape when they question the validity of the prose while reading biographical and/or historical fiction. The key word to this genre is FICTION. These are not actual biographies nor histories. Check out any "Author's Notes" and the disclaimers at the beginning of such books which state "(Title) is a work of fiction" before ranting about their inaccuracies.
Sorry! Had to get that off my chest! Anyway, this book made me wonder and question Lewis Carroll's "socialization" choices, especially with little girls. Hmm...
1. upon reading GR friend, Annette B.'s review, I had to add it to my WTR list;
2. author Melanie Benjamin's writing style appeals to me, ever since I've read her novels The Children's Blizzard and The Autobiography of Mrs. Tom Thumb; and,
3. June is my "Biographical Fiction Month"!
Praises:
1. Benjamin's well-researched story delves into the life of Alice Liddell Hargreaves who as a young girl, convinced Rev. Charles Lutwidge Dodgson (aka Lewis Carroll) to write his fantastical story, eventually publishing it as Alice's Adventures in Wonderland. To be honest, I was a little nervous about reading this book based on its possible content, but I needn't have worried - Benjamin's eloquent writing delicately explores Alice's various relationships throughout her life, most importantly the one between the artist (Carroll) and his muse (Alice). She expertly speculates the possibility behind their mysterious break when Alice was an 11-year-old girl and Carroll a 31-year-old man;
2. Benjamin's descriptive writing, credible authenticity and strong character development had me captivated throughout! Told in first person, I could visualize Alice's privileged lifestyle and was moved by her relations with significant people throughout her lifetime; and,
3. Benjamin's section titled "A Reader's Guide" is a MUST READ if you choose to read this book! She clearly states what is fact and what is fiction - very eye-opening!
Overall Thoughts:
Some reviews are pretty harsh about this story, so I'm always amused when readers' noses get bent out of shape when they question the validity of the prose while reading biographical and/or historical fiction. The key word to this genre is FICTION. These are not actual biographies nor histories. Check out any "Author's Notes" and the disclaimers at the beginning of such books which state "(Title) is a work of fiction" before ranting about their inaccuracies.
Sorry! Had to get that off my chest! Anyway, this book made me wonder and question Lewis Carroll's "socialization" choices, especially with little girls. Hmm...
January 23, 2010
After I finished reading this book I did some research on Alice Liddell and Lewis Carroll to separate fact from fiction. Before doing this I was going to give it 3 stars but changed my rating to 4 stars. I realized that the author did an amazing job in weaving a novel around the lives of these two people. The book is about the life of Alice and her family, friends, loves and especially her relationship with Charles Dodgson (Lewis Carroll).The connection between these two and the suggestion of intimacy was a bit disturbing in the beginning. But the mood it set was hauntingly palpable. It was an enjoyable read, sometimes overly sentimental but still very engaging. I suggest that readers do some research. I recommend googling the actual Charles Dodgson photos of children. They are especially interesting and add more insight into the story.
October 17, 2012
I am giving this book 2 stars--but not for the reasons I am reading other folks here talk about in their 2 star reviews...
I was gonna give this book a 3 til I read what the author had to say at the end...This ticked me off!! What a load of crap!
So first she says that she wants to be clear about not having an agenda in writing this--that her personal opinions on how all this stuff may or may not have gone down totally is not what her book is about...and then in the same breath, she says just the opposite!
She defends the liberties she took with this story by talking about all the research she did...and how this can only justify her own line of thinking--and not only that--but how it would basically lead anyone to think along the same lines and jump to the same conclusions...like it was sooo obvious we should all think like her.
She creeped me out you guys...right here...where she says how she came across this picture Of Alice Lidell (the one in the book) as a child...and how she had the eyes of a woman...and how this disturbed her and got her thinking...basically...along disturbing lines. Uhhh--I am looking at this picture too!! I am NOT disturbed by it in any way--nor do I think there is this provocative nature in the the eyes of this child...I don't see the come hither look a sexually mature woman...a wordly woman...or even (at that) an old soul. Whaaaat?? I see a kid, y'all...with a fixed little look on her face and in her eyes...uhhh...probably because she had to stand there all extra still and FIXED for longer than a kid that age wants to, in order for the photo to be taken.
How many times do you get that honest in the moment gleam in the eyes of the subjects of your own pictures?..taken with our high speed cameras. I dunno about you guys but I snap, snap, snap away until I finally get one of the kids where they don't look vacant--bored--irritated that I am snapping away at them--until I finally get one where their eyes reflect the joy that is in them as they're playing at whatever, that day. You can't stage or fake that and you gotta get it at just the right moment. If I told a kid to stand there perfectly still and posed for nearly a minute so I could snap their picture--heck yeah they'd look all fixed and..."haunting." Deeeer...
This lady is reading waaay too much into this crap, man.
How would any of us like it if over a hundred years later...someone wrote about us as if they knew us personally? She said...this is Alice's story...she sounded so proud of that...to be able to say that she is telling Alice's story. For real?? Lady--you have no idea what Alice's story was! You don't know Alice because you weren't there to actually know her. These 'real' people are just as much fictional characters or ghosts of the past TO YOU as they are to any of us...
The nerve! B****, please! haha!
I was gonna give this book a 3 til I read what the author had to say at the end...This ticked me off!! What a load of crap!
So first she says that she wants to be clear about not having an agenda in writing this--that her personal opinions on how all this stuff may or may not have gone down totally is not what her book is about...and then in the same breath, she says just the opposite!
She defends the liberties she took with this story by talking about all the research she did...and how this can only justify her own line of thinking--and not only that--but how it would basically lead anyone to think along the same lines and jump to the same conclusions...like it was sooo obvious we should all think like her.
She creeped me out you guys...right here...where she says how she came across this picture Of Alice Lidell (the one in the book) as a child...and how she had the eyes of a woman...and how this disturbed her and got her thinking...basically...along disturbing lines. Uhhh--I am looking at this picture too!! I am NOT disturbed by it in any way--nor do I think there is this provocative nature in the the eyes of this child...I don't see the come hither look a sexually mature woman...a wordly woman...or even (at that) an old soul. Whaaaat?? I see a kid, y'all...with a fixed little look on her face and in her eyes...uhhh...probably because she had to stand there all extra still and FIXED for longer than a kid that age wants to, in order for the photo to be taken.
How many times do you get that honest in the moment gleam in the eyes of the subjects of your own pictures?..taken with our high speed cameras. I dunno about you guys but I snap, snap, snap away until I finally get one of the kids where they don't look vacant--bored--irritated that I am snapping away at them--until I finally get one where their eyes reflect the joy that is in them as they're playing at whatever, that day. You can't stage or fake that and you gotta get it at just the right moment. If I told a kid to stand there perfectly still and posed for nearly a minute so I could snap their picture--heck yeah they'd look all fixed and..."haunting." Deeeer...
This lady is reading waaay too much into this crap, man.
How would any of us like it if over a hundred years later...someone wrote about us as if they knew us personally? She said...this is Alice's story...she sounded so proud of that...to be able to say that she is telling Alice's story. For real?? Lady--you have no idea what Alice's story was! You don't know Alice because you weren't there to actually know her. These 'real' people are just as much fictional characters or ghosts of the past TO YOU as they are to any of us...
The nerve! B****, please! haha!
October 2, 2020
What is the price of literary immortality? There is fame, but there is also tragedy and loss of innocence. And that’s what this story explores.
England, 1859. Alice Liddell is the daughter of the Dean of Christ Church living at the social center of Oxford, among “some of the finest scholarly minds of the age.” She is seven-years-old and the stiff proper attire isn’t something she enjoys. What she craves for is to freely roll down a hill. And Mr. Dodgson, a mathematician and their neighbor, is someone she thinks will allow her to do just that. Mr. Dodgson is also a keen photographer, taking pictures every time he has a chance. And it seems as one kindred spirit recognizes another. Thus, on a Perfect Day, Mr. Dodgson invites Alice for an Adventure. Photo taking evolves into story telling.
At the age of twenty-three, Alice catches an eye of Leopold, the Prince of Wales. But when he requests a photograph being taken by the famous Mr. Dodgson, it seems as the past is about to haunt Alice as something happened between them once that raised eyebrows.
At least the first half of the book touches upon three relationships: between Alice and Mr. Dodgson, Alice and Mr. Ruskin, who manipulates Alice into friendship under a pretext, and Alice and her mother, Alice more of a dreamy and free spirited and her mother – energetic, well-organized, having everything under control – causing some tensions between them. I understand the point of developing two of those relationships, but the questionable one between Alice and Mr. Ruskin is a bit overwhelming. I was glad for when it ended as it was about to spoil the story for me. The story becomes too much set on relationships and two of them are questionable, between Alice and those two men. I don’t think that was necessary to bring the one between Alice and Mr. Ruskin.
At the same time, I like the angle the author took to present this story. It begins with a girl, who becomes an inspiration for a book, written by a man, whose friendship later complicates her relationship with a man she deeply loves. And it culminates with her life as a lady of age with graying hair and wrinkles on her face, who at the deathbed of her husband realizes that he was the only one who wanted her for who she was. She didn’t need “to be Alice in Wonderland, a fairy tale, a dream.”
This author’s writing is one of those that truly stands out, not only for the style of writing, but also for character development, and touching on human emotions. This story is interesting and very well-narrated. And it is a book that I’d recommend. 4.5 stars
With that being said, I have to add that after reading The Autobiography of Mrs. Tom Thumb by this author the bar was set very high. The heroine is the most memorable character I’ve ever encountered. She literally pops out of the pages. 5+ stars
England, 1859. Alice Liddell is the daughter of the Dean of Christ Church living at the social center of Oxford, among “some of the finest scholarly minds of the age.” She is seven-years-old and the stiff proper attire isn’t something she enjoys. What she craves for is to freely roll down a hill. And Mr. Dodgson, a mathematician and their neighbor, is someone she thinks will allow her to do just that. Mr. Dodgson is also a keen photographer, taking pictures every time he has a chance. And it seems as one kindred spirit recognizes another. Thus, on a Perfect Day, Mr. Dodgson invites Alice for an Adventure. Photo taking evolves into story telling.
At the age of twenty-three, Alice catches an eye of Leopold, the Prince of Wales. But when he requests a photograph being taken by the famous Mr. Dodgson, it seems as the past is about to haunt Alice as something happened between them once that raised eyebrows.
At least the first half of the book touches upon three relationships: between Alice and Mr. Dodgson, Alice and Mr. Ruskin, who manipulates Alice into friendship under a pretext, and Alice and her mother, Alice more of a dreamy and free spirited and her mother – energetic, well-organized, having everything under control – causing some tensions between them. I understand the point of developing two of those relationships, but the questionable one between Alice and Mr. Ruskin is a bit overwhelming. I was glad for when it ended as it was about to spoil the story for me. The story becomes too much set on relationships and two of them are questionable, between Alice and those two men. I don’t think that was necessary to bring the one between Alice and Mr. Ruskin.
At the same time, I like the angle the author took to present this story. It begins with a girl, who becomes an inspiration for a book, written by a man, whose friendship later complicates her relationship with a man she deeply loves. And it culminates with her life as a lady of age with graying hair and wrinkles on her face, who at the deathbed of her husband realizes that he was the only one who wanted her for who she was. She didn’t need “to be Alice in Wonderland, a fairy tale, a dream.”
This author’s writing is one of those that truly stands out, not only for the style of writing, but also for character development, and touching on human emotions. This story is interesting and very well-narrated. And it is a book that I’d recommend. 4.5 stars
With that being said, I have to add that after reading The Autobiography of Mrs. Tom Thumb by this author the bar was set very high. The heroine is the most memorable character I’ve ever encountered. She literally pops out of the pages. 5+ stars
June 30, 2022
"..--I suppose, at some point, we have to decide which memories to hold on to, and which ones to let go."
I loved reading this novel about the girl who inspired "Alice in Wonderland". It was quite shocking to discover the truth behind my favorite Disney story, but unlike other reviews I have read, it does not change my love of the movie. Through Benjamin's words, I found Alice Liddell just as fascinating as the Alice in Wonderland.
I loved reading this novel about the girl who inspired "Alice in Wonderland". It was quite shocking to discover the truth behind my favorite Disney story, but unlike other reviews I have read, it does not change my love of the movie. Through Benjamin's words, I found Alice Liddell just as fascinating as the Alice in Wonderland.
July 16, 2017
DNF 75%
Oh my word, this was horrible.
Somebody call the cringe police.
I really, really do not get any pleasure out of rating a book so low and being this critical, yet I can also not find myself giving this book 2-stars for mediocrity. I found it that terrible.
I actually really enjoyed this at first, but right afterwards it took a sudden curve downhill and I could not read another page of it without rolling my eyes and constantly thinking to myself "Oh lord are you kidding me!?" So it was just best that I not finish this book--which I ended up skipping to and not liking.
I understand this is a historical fiction novel. Key word: fiction, yet good lord, this book reeked of chick-lit and romances that never existed. This didn't even hold a somewhat entertaining value to it like The Swans of Fifth Avenue did, but this was instead overly-saccharine, Lewis Carroll x Alice Liddell romance with some truly eye-rolling moments. I find that this author just gushed over the thought of Caroll and Liddell hitting it off and wanting to form a romantic partnership BUT THEY CAN'T BECAUSE OF SOCIETY AND GOSSIP AND SLANDER AND BLAH.
The only part I truly appreciated was when Alice secretly wished she didn't have to become an adult. That's truly the only part that wasn't steam-rolled with weird, romantic, chick-lit goodness...until she starts fantasizing about Lewis Carroll again. WHY!?
Another problem with this book is the romantization the author (or maybe just the main character) has for Alice in Wonderland. How a book about the arbitrary rules of childhood with eerie surreal/fantastical themes makes one think of romance is beyond me.
Maybe this book just got under my skin because I've read a lot about Lewis Carroll and Alice Liddell-Hargreaves, and found this piece of historical fiction to be nothing but fanfare and bitter sweetness. I think what irked me the most was how Benjamin tried to sound like a Victorian Brit, but it came off as, well...a 21st century American author trying to sound like a stereotypical Victorian prude. It was truly terrible and ghastly.
I don't want to sound like I dislike the author. I've read a couple books by her that I enjoyed, but this was just...
You get my point.
This was her first attempt at publishing a novel, and it shows.
Oh my word, this was horrible.
Somebody call the cringe police.
I really, really do not get any pleasure out of rating a book so low and being this critical, yet I can also not find myself giving this book 2-stars for mediocrity. I found it that terrible.
I actually really enjoyed this at first, but right afterwards it took a sudden curve downhill and I could not read another page of it without rolling my eyes and constantly thinking to myself "Oh lord are you kidding me!?" So it was just best that I not finish this book--which I ended up skipping to and not liking.
I understand this is a historical fiction novel. Key word: fiction, yet good lord, this book reeked of chick-lit and romances that never existed. This didn't even hold a somewhat entertaining value to it like The Swans of Fifth Avenue did, but this was instead overly-saccharine, Lewis Carroll x Alice Liddell romance with some truly eye-rolling moments. I find that this author just gushed over the thought of Caroll and Liddell hitting it off and wanting to form a romantic partnership BUT THEY CAN'T BECAUSE OF SOCIETY AND GOSSIP AND SLANDER AND BLAH.
The only part I truly appreciated was when Alice secretly wished she didn't have to become an adult. That's truly the only part that wasn't steam-rolled with weird, romantic, chick-lit goodness...until she starts fantasizing about Lewis Carroll again. WHY!?
Another problem with this book is the romantization the author (or maybe just the main character) has for Alice in Wonderland. How a book about the arbitrary rules of childhood with eerie surreal/fantastical themes makes one think of romance is beyond me.
Maybe this book just got under my skin because I've read a lot about Lewis Carroll and Alice Liddell-Hargreaves, and found this piece of historical fiction to be nothing but fanfare and bitter sweetness. I think what irked me the most was how Benjamin tried to sound like a Victorian Brit, but it came off as, well...a 21st century American author trying to sound like a stereotypical Victorian prude. It was truly terrible and ghastly.
I don't want to sound like I dislike the author. I've read a couple books by her that I enjoyed, but this was just...
You get my point.
This was her first attempt at publishing a novel, and it shows.
November 17, 2016
4 1/2 stars. This was a heartbreaking read but it was one of those books that I found myself drawn into and found it difficult to break myself away from when it was time to take the headphones off and return to reality. I have to admit, it has thrown me into a bit of a funk. Despite Alice's well to do lifestyle, her life was filled with disappointment, sadness , missed opportunities and loss. Most of it due to an event in her early childhood. The story of the real Alice who inspired Alice In Wonderland was fascinating though and a great listen on audio but I need to find something frivolous and upbeat before I drown in a pit of despair over here.
My only caveat has to do with the lack of including the author notes in the audio version, now I'll have to track down the book at the library to learn what she had to say and what she might've "embellished" for the book.
My only caveat has to do with the lack of including the author notes in the audio version, now I'll have to track down the book at the library to learn what she had to say and what she might've "embellished" for the book.
March 23, 2016
Alice I have Been by Melanie Benjamin is a 2010 Random House publication.
After having read “The Swans of Fifth Avenue”, I was eager to discover some of Melanie Benjamin’s other novels. I had heard some talk about “The Aviator’s Wife”, and so I read that one first, and was impressed with it as well. However, I had not heard of this book, and had no idea what to expect from it. So, in preparation, I downloaded a free version of “Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland” and re-read the book because as a child, I just did not find the book as appealing as everyone else, nor did my own children. So, I thought it might be a good idea to familiarize myself with it before beginning this book.
I am happy I re-read AAIW first, but I can’t say it had much of an impact on my enjoyment of this story, which is centered around the real life Alice Liddell, Lewis Carroll’s muse.
The Victorian era is riddled with moral complexities that are hard for us to digest now. Still, the approach the author took with the book left me feeling a little squeamish, and I can’t say I enjoyed this story as much as I have her other novels. Having raised two children in uncertain times, I kept waiting for a horrible reveal, and sat on pins and needles throughout as I wondered what conclusions Alice might come to by the book’s end.
Curious as to what actual history has to say about the relationship between Alice and Charles Dodgson, I learned that many questions raised in the book were mere conjecture, without much hard evidence to back it up, such as the alleged romance between Leo and Alice, and the cause of the eventual falling out between Dodgson and the Liddell’s.
Many liberties were taken in the dramatization of Alice Liddell’s life, and with historical fiction that is to be expected, but I did wish a different approach had been taken with this one.
I do believe this is the author’s debut, and so I do admire her mettle in tackling such a large and perhaps controversial subject. Being the muse for such a beloved children’s classic would indeed feel strange, I suppose, and of course the legend surrounding it took on a life of its own.
I must say though, that if you really love Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland, I would approach this novel with caution and be prepared to deal with innuendo you may not like. But, also be ready for a very emotional story, but one that ends with the answer to the burning question we wondered about throughout.
I am on the fence about my feelings in regards to his novel, but because it was well written, bold, and daring, atmospheric, interesting and thought provoking, I think it deserves at least 4 stars.
After having read “The Swans of Fifth Avenue”, I was eager to discover some of Melanie Benjamin’s other novels. I had heard some talk about “The Aviator’s Wife”, and so I read that one first, and was impressed with it as well. However, I had not heard of this book, and had no idea what to expect from it. So, in preparation, I downloaded a free version of “Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland” and re-read the book because as a child, I just did not find the book as appealing as everyone else, nor did my own children. So, I thought it might be a good idea to familiarize myself with it before beginning this book.
I am happy I re-read AAIW first, but I can’t say it had much of an impact on my enjoyment of this story, which is centered around the real life Alice Liddell, Lewis Carroll’s muse.
The Victorian era is riddled with moral complexities that are hard for us to digest now. Still, the approach the author took with the book left me feeling a little squeamish, and I can’t say I enjoyed this story as much as I have her other novels. Having raised two children in uncertain times, I kept waiting for a horrible reveal, and sat on pins and needles throughout as I wondered what conclusions Alice might come to by the book’s end.
Curious as to what actual history has to say about the relationship between Alice and Charles Dodgson, I learned that many questions raised in the book were mere conjecture, without much hard evidence to back it up, such as the alleged romance between Leo and Alice, and the cause of the eventual falling out between Dodgson and the Liddell’s.
Many liberties were taken in the dramatization of Alice Liddell’s life, and with historical fiction that is to be expected, but I did wish a different approach had been taken with this one.
I do believe this is the author’s debut, and so I do admire her mettle in tackling such a large and perhaps controversial subject. Being the muse for such a beloved children’s classic would indeed feel strange, I suppose, and of course the legend surrounding it took on a life of its own.
I must say though, that if you really love Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland, I would approach this novel with caution and be prepared to deal with innuendo you may not like. But, also be ready for a very emotional story, but one that ends with the answer to the burning question we wondered about throughout.
I am on the fence about my feelings in regards to his novel, but because it was well written, bold, and daring, atmospheric, interesting and thought provoking, I think it deserves at least 4 stars.
May 24, 2019
I've read Alice in Wonderland, and was never that big a fan of it. I was curious about this book, as I wondered about the inspiration for story Alice. So, what can I say about this book?
-I liked Melanie Benjamin's writing, and the way her characters were drawn.
-I had read a little about the controversy surrounding Alice and Charles Dodgson, which Benjamin does address here. The problem I found was that Benjamin's take on the possible events that caused a split between the Liddell family and Dodgson was pretty speculative, and didn't quite work for me.
-Benjamin's creation of a relationship between Prince Leopold and Alice looks to be entirely fictional. Though historical fiction requires a certain malleable relationship with actual events, this section of the book didn't work for me.
-I was left feeling really uncomfortable and squeamish as far as fictional Alice's relationships with both Dodgson and with John Ruskin (who comes as as really smarmy and devious. Who knows, he might very well have been. All I know is I kept yelling at Alice to get out of the room every time she spent any time with Ruskin.)
-I also felt super-squeamish about some of the Victorian mores, especially regarding young children, and the imagery and relationships that were sanctioned and accepted, at least within the gentry.
-I did like the idea of how Dodgson could have used Alice as his muse. (The man did say she wasn't the actual role model for fictional Alice.)
Though I liked the start of this book, as I kept listening, I just kept getting more uncomfortable, at least until well past the middle, at which point, Benjamin jumps to Alice Liddell Hargreaves' later life. I liked her description of Alice's grief at the loss of her two older sons.
Because of my ambivalence for this book as a whole, I'm going with 3 stars.
-I liked Melanie Benjamin's writing, and the way her characters were drawn.
-I had read a little about the controversy surrounding Alice and Charles Dodgson, which Benjamin does address here. The problem I found was that Benjamin's take on the possible events that caused a split between the Liddell family and Dodgson was pretty speculative, and didn't quite work for me.
-Benjamin's creation of a relationship between Prince Leopold and Alice looks to be entirely fictional. Though historical fiction requires a certain malleable relationship with actual events, this section of the book didn't work for me.
-I was left feeling really uncomfortable and squeamish as far as fictional Alice's relationships with both Dodgson and with John Ruskin (who comes as as really smarmy and devious. Who knows, he might very well have been. All I know is I kept yelling at Alice to get out of the room every time she spent any time with Ruskin.)
-I also felt super-squeamish about some of the Victorian mores, especially regarding young children, and the imagery and relationships that were sanctioned and accepted, at least within the gentry.
-I did like the idea of how Dodgson could have used Alice as his muse. (The man did say she wasn't the actual role model for fictional Alice.)
Though I liked the start of this book, as I kept listening, I just kept getting more uncomfortable, at least until well past the middle, at which point, Benjamin jumps to Alice Liddell Hargreaves' later life. I liked her description of Alice's grief at the loss of her two older sons.
Because of my ambivalence for this book as a whole, I'm going with 3 stars.
July 2, 2017
I really enjoyed reading this book and learning about the girl/woman who was behind the Alice in Wonderland stories. It was really interesting and also all the information given by the author. The reason I'm giving the book 3 stars is because even though I enjoyed the story and really liked the book, it was not one of those books I did not want to put down. I will definitely want to read another book by this author but I hope one day to have one of those "can't put down" books. I will share this book with my friends because I do think it is an enjoyable and educational read.
January 19, 2010
I am one of those people that had no idea there was a REAL girl named Alice behind Alice in Wonderland…that is, until I read a gem of a novel written by a new voice on the scene, Melanie Benjamin. And I am so glad that her book Alice, I Have Been was my introduction to this very fascinating and endearing woman whose childhood will be forever connected with Wonderland.
Alice Liddell was the daughter of the Dean of the prestigious college, Christ Church at Oxford and was raised there along with her siblings. She was the wild child compared to her compliant sisters, independent to their dutiful, always getting in trouble and underfoot, precocious to a fault. Her inquisitiveness drove adults to exasperation. All but one. Charles Dodgson, aka Lewis Carroll, was a math professor at Oxford and a close friend of the Liddell family and would often take Alice and her two sisters out on day trips, where he would tell them stories and take their pictures. Though he was friendly with all three, it was Alice that was his favorite. It was on one such day trip that the story for Alice in Wonderland was born. Unlike his other stories, Dodgson, at Alice’s begging, wrote it down and the rest is history!
In Alice, I Have Been Melanie Benjamin takes us beyond Wonderland and examines the life of the girl behind the story and the woman she became. A woman who ended up trapped by the very childhood she, at one time, never wanted to give up. We watch Alice as she grows up, as she finds love, but also loss. We watch as she attempts to come to terms with her notoriety, to find out who she really is inside, away from the girl in the book. There is also a bit of a dark aspect to this novel, which I think the author covered tastefully. We know that years after the publication of Alice in Wonderland the Liddell family and Dodgson had a falling out, but no one is sure why. I’d have to say that Benjamin’s conclusion seems plausible, if not a little disturbing.
Benjamin’s writing is impeccable and while immersed in it, you forget that it’s not auto-biography…that’s how close to Alice you feel. Every character has their own distinct personality and you feel for all of them. Now, I usually find it hard to read a story which has a child narrator, but not so in this case. In the beginning of the novel, young Alice had me giggling out loud and I just fell in love with her instantly!
So, please, if you listen to anything I have to say this year, please let it be this….READ ALICE, I HAVE BEEN!!!!
Alice Liddell was the daughter of the Dean of the prestigious college, Christ Church at Oxford and was raised there along with her siblings. She was the wild child compared to her compliant sisters, independent to their dutiful, always getting in trouble and underfoot, precocious to a fault. Her inquisitiveness drove adults to exasperation. All but one. Charles Dodgson, aka Lewis Carroll, was a math professor at Oxford and a close friend of the Liddell family and would often take Alice and her two sisters out on day trips, where he would tell them stories and take their pictures. Though he was friendly with all three, it was Alice that was his favorite. It was on one such day trip that the story for Alice in Wonderland was born. Unlike his other stories, Dodgson, at Alice’s begging, wrote it down and the rest is history!
In Alice, I Have Been Melanie Benjamin takes us beyond Wonderland and examines the life of the girl behind the story and the woman she became. A woman who ended up trapped by the very childhood she, at one time, never wanted to give up. We watch Alice as she grows up, as she finds love, but also loss. We watch as she attempts to come to terms with her notoriety, to find out who she really is inside, away from the girl in the book. There is also a bit of a dark aspect to this novel, which I think the author covered tastefully. We know that years after the publication of Alice in Wonderland the Liddell family and Dodgson had a falling out, but no one is sure why. I’d have to say that Benjamin’s conclusion seems plausible, if not a little disturbing.
Benjamin’s writing is impeccable and while immersed in it, you forget that it’s not auto-biography…that’s how close to Alice you feel. Every character has their own distinct personality and you feel for all of them. Now, I usually find it hard to read a story which has a child narrator, but not so in this case. In the beginning of the novel, young Alice had me giggling out loud and I just fell in love with her instantly!
So, please, if you listen to anything I have to say this year, please let it be this….READ ALICE, I HAVE BEEN!!!!
September 18, 2009
This was a wonderful book. It was written from the viewpoint of Alice Pleasance Liddell Hargreaves, the girl who inspired the book, Alice's adventures in wonderland. We follow her through her life, making leaps from childhood, to young womanhood, to her later years as a wife and mother. There is a scandal that haunts her from the time of her childhood through the rest of her life. There is also her fairytale love story that will pull at the heartstrings. All in all a great read. I think it would make an excellent movie.
March 4, 2010
Having just finished Nabakov's Lolita I was looking for something to refresh my mind from the heavy, morally depressing, but brillantly written story about the mind of a depraved child-abuser.
I found I had picked up from the library, quite by chance a book entitled "Alice I Have Been". One of the things I love about books is that when I'm "in the zone" the right book seems to come to hand at the right time. And this indeed was the right time for me to read about Alice Liddell, the girl who inspired Mr Dodgson's story of Wonderland.
At first I was reading mindlessly, enjoying not having to remain alert for the literary clues and devices Nabakov utilised to seduce and tease the reader, only to find myself deeply immersed in the story of how Mr Dodgson's attraction to Alice affected her throughout her life.
Melanie Benjamin has beautifully imagined how a young Alice becames aware of her powers to attract and inspire a man. She poses in front of his camera as a gypsy girl in bare feet, and "I rolled in the grass, like a wild creature" in front of him. This day will haunt her for many years to come.
Then on another occasion on an outing with her sisters and Mr Duckworth he tells a story - "Alice was beginning to get very tired of sitting by her sister on the bank", and gives it to Alice. Alice asks him to write it down so that she will always remain a little girl, at least in the story. Unlike, Lolita Alice is fortunate that Mr Dodgson, Lewis Carroll's passion is expressed in art, and yet Alice is still marked by this early encounter with a man's gaze.
As the book unfolds and tells us about Alice's thoughts as she grows up we understand the mark of confusion and perhaps shame, that is left upon her by the sexual attentions of an older, more experienced man. Although unlike Lolita's experience, the relationship is not physically consummated - and yet we are left to wonder about the level of intimacy between young Alice and Mr Dodgson.
It was this aspect of the book which intrigued me after reading Lolita, where the young girl has no voice of her own. Everything we learn about Lolita comes from her perverted step-father. We never know how Dolores Haze feels, how she survives and moves beyond the ordeal of being raped and used by her step-father. Melanie gives voice to Alice and her emotions as she grows in wisdom throughout her life.
Melanie Benjamin carefully creates a story about the changes in understanding that occur as a young child grows through impulsive girlhood, finding a soul mate, losing him and marrying another, motherhood and widowhood. It is an immensely satisfying psychological journey through Alice's mind as she learns to understand her own emotions, experiences and the true meaning of love.
I look forward to reading any future books Melanie Benjamin might publish.
I found I had picked up from the library, quite by chance a book entitled "Alice I Have Been". One of the things I love about books is that when I'm "in the zone" the right book seems to come to hand at the right time. And this indeed was the right time for me to read about Alice Liddell, the girl who inspired Mr Dodgson's story of Wonderland.
At first I was reading mindlessly, enjoying not having to remain alert for the literary clues and devices Nabakov utilised to seduce and tease the reader, only to find myself deeply immersed in the story of how Mr Dodgson's attraction to Alice affected her throughout her life.
Melanie Benjamin has beautifully imagined how a young Alice becames aware of her powers to attract and inspire a man. She poses in front of his camera as a gypsy girl in bare feet, and "I rolled in the grass, like a wild creature" in front of him. This day will haunt her for many years to come.
Then on another occasion on an outing with her sisters and Mr Duckworth he tells a story - "Alice was beginning to get very tired of sitting by her sister on the bank", and gives it to Alice. Alice asks him to write it down so that she will always remain a little girl, at least in the story. Unlike, Lolita Alice is fortunate that Mr Dodgson, Lewis Carroll's passion is expressed in art, and yet Alice is still marked by this early encounter with a man's gaze.
As the book unfolds and tells us about Alice's thoughts as she grows up we understand the mark of confusion and perhaps shame, that is left upon her by the sexual attentions of an older, more experienced man. Although unlike Lolita's experience, the relationship is not physically consummated - and yet we are left to wonder about the level of intimacy between young Alice and Mr Dodgson.
It was this aspect of the book which intrigued me after reading Lolita, where the young girl has no voice of her own. Everything we learn about Lolita comes from her perverted step-father. We never know how Dolores Haze feels, how she survives and moves beyond the ordeal of being raped and used by her step-father. Melanie gives voice to Alice and her emotions as she grows in wisdom throughout her life.
Melanie Benjamin carefully creates a story about the changes in understanding that occur as a young child grows through impulsive girlhood, finding a soul mate, losing him and marrying another, motherhood and widowhood. It is an immensely satisfying psychological journey through Alice's mind as she learns to understand her own emotions, experiences and the true meaning of love.
I look forward to reading any future books Melanie Benjamin might publish.
March 6, 2020
If I'm honest I liked the first part of this book more than the latter part. I slowly grew disconnected with the story as time went on but not enough to stop listening to the audiobook. The narrator, Samantha Eggar, did a really good job but some of the adult characters sounded a little too similar at times. I'd be willing to listen to another audiobook narrated by Ms. Eggar but I wouldn't seek her out. She spoke clearly and I liked her accent.
I'm not sure if it was the way she was written but grew a bit annoyed with Alice Hargraves. I'm in no way making a judgement on the real person but the one that was written in this story. Even though I didn't like adult Alice it was still really enjoyed learning about Alice Liddell and her time at Oxford. It was nice to see that she learned lessons that I felt she should have learned sooner but it's human nature to almost be blind to our blessings so I couldn't judge her too harshly on this fault. I appreciate the closure we got in the end that caused the rift between The Liddell Family and Mr. Dodgson. Also, liked how the meeting between "the real Alice in Wonderland and Peter Pan" that happened in the U.S. of A. This made me start to like Mrs. Hargraves but not enough to change my overall opinion of the story.
I feel I need to warn readers who are interested in reading this novel about one particular thing that made me feel uncomfortable at some points in the book. There is a theory that Charles Lutwidge Dodgson, aka Lewis Carroll, had an interest in pedophilea as he had numerous friendships with young girls. Many biographers are polarized about this theory. This book leans toward the side that he was. If you have any issues about reading not so subtle hints about pedophilea then this may not be the book for you. Another novel by this author would probably be better suited for you. I was personally able to look at it as an unconfirmed theory and how it was supposed to be important to the story, but I did cringe a little when there were moments that pushed close to a line I didn't fully want to read about. Thankfully it never got to them point where I had to stop but it could happen for others.
I'm not sure if it was the way she was written but grew a bit annoyed with Alice Hargraves. I'm in no way making a judgement on the real person but the one that was written in this story. Even though I didn't like adult Alice it was still really enjoyed learning about Alice Liddell and her time at Oxford. It was nice to see that she learned lessons that I felt she should have learned sooner but it's human nature to almost be blind to our blessings so I couldn't judge her too harshly on this fault. I appreciate the closure we got in the end that caused the rift between The Liddell Family and Mr. Dodgson. Also, liked how the meeting between "the real Alice in Wonderland and Peter Pan" that happened in the U.S. of A. This made me start to like Mrs. Hargraves but not enough to change my overall opinion of the story.
I feel I need to warn readers who are interested in reading this novel about one particular thing that made me feel uncomfortable at some points in the book. There is a theory that Charles Lutwidge Dodgson, aka Lewis Carroll, had an interest in pedophilea as he had numerous friendships with young girls. Many biographers are polarized about this theory. This book leans toward the side that he was. If you have any issues about reading not so subtle hints about pedophilea then this may not be the book for you. Another novel by this author would probably be better suited for you. I was personally able to look at it as an unconfirmed theory and how it was supposed to be important to the story, but I did cringe a little when there were moments that pushed close to a line I didn't fully want to read about. Thankfully it never got to them point where I had to stop but it could happen for others.
January 17, 2021
I learned so much about the real Alice, the one Alice in Wonderful is modeled after. Didn't realize that Lewis Carroll is a writers name for Charles Dodgson. Dodgson was in love with Alice but circumstances caused a separation, which wasn't made plain till the end of the book. It kept you reading to discover this secret. Benjamin (which is also not her read name) used all the historical facts available.
100 - "Men need more time, Alice. They don't mature as fast as we do....Merciful heavens, no. Men never know their own mind - we have to make it up for them." funny, but true?
pg 114 - "Do you know how very much you help me, simply by being?" This struck me because I have people in my life that make me want to be a better person just by their being around. They don't have to do anything.
The book jumps way ahead in her age several times, only hinting of what went wrong between Alice and Dodgson. . Just dropping hints until the end of the book. It makes me want to do research on the main characters.
On page 186 - "I was just saying how extraordinary it is that Lewis Carroll and the real Alice live practically across the street from one another."
100 - "Men need more time, Alice. They don't mature as fast as we do....Merciful heavens, no. Men never know their own mind - we have to make it up for them." funny, but true?
pg 114 - "Do you know how very much you help me, simply by being?" This struck me because I have people in my life that make me want to be a better person just by their being around. They don't have to do anything.
The book jumps way ahead in her age several times, only hinting of what went wrong between Alice and Dodgson. . Just dropping hints until the end of the book. It makes me want to do research on the main characters.
On page 186 - "I was just saying how extraordinary it is that Lewis Carroll and the real Alice live practically across the street from one another."
November 10, 2012
Sometimes I like to read books I know will depress me. It's a weird habit, but something which keeps me in touch with my empathetic side. I found Alice I Have Been by Melanie Benjamin to be a heartbreaking novel. Alice I Have Been follows the life of Alice Liddell, the real life Alice In Wonderland.
Read the rest of my review here
Read the rest of my review here
September 6, 2016
Poor Lewis Carroll (Rev. Charles Dodgson). First he is honored as a writer, then criticized and now the pendulum is swinging the other way. There's a great article here about it:
http://www.smithsonianmag.com/arts-cu...
The story here that Benjamin writes (and quite well) is about how Alice and Dodgson meet and the story is told of Wonderland, and then how both Alice and Dodgson handle that, as well as maybe romantic feelings. One lasting proof of Dodgson's interest in Alice is a photo of her dressed in rags as a beggar (which Benjamin is able to insert into the book). One looks at this photo and thinks, hmm, that's alot of skin showing. Here's what the article referenced above says:
"Of the approximately 3,000 photographs Dodgson made in his life, just over half are of children—30 of whom are depicted nude or semi-nude. Some of his portraits—even those in which the model is clothed—might shock 2010 sensibilities, but by Victorian standards they were...well, rather conventional. Photographs of nude children sometimes appeared on postcards or birthday cards, and nude portraits—skillfully done—were praised as art studies, as they were in the work of Dodgson’s contemporary Julia Margaret Cameron. Victorians saw childhood as a state of grace; even nude photographs of children were considered pictures of innocence itself."
Back to this book--it's a very easy read and rich in details about Victorian life. Imagine having 5 daughters who all wore white in the summer with 3 petticoats? Rowing in the summer, of course, wear a boater and white linen suit! Benjamin makes Alice out to be quite snobby, but of course she probably was with being the Dean's daughter and this close {} to marrying a Prince.
You don't need to really know anything about Wonderland to read this.
The other books I've read of wives of famous writers (Under the Wide and Starry Sky and The Paris Wife make the writers out as less than what they were. That's the case here as well.
http://www.smithsonianmag.com/arts-cu...
The story here that Benjamin writes (and quite well) is about how Alice and Dodgson meet and the story is told of Wonderland, and then how both Alice and Dodgson handle that, as well as maybe romantic feelings. One lasting proof of Dodgson's interest in Alice is a photo of her dressed in rags as a beggar (which Benjamin is able to insert into the book). One looks at this photo and thinks, hmm, that's alot of skin showing. Here's what the article referenced above says:
"Of the approximately 3,000 photographs Dodgson made in his life, just over half are of children—30 of whom are depicted nude or semi-nude. Some of his portraits—even those in which the model is clothed—might shock 2010 sensibilities, but by Victorian standards they were...well, rather conventional. Photographs of nude children sometimes appeared on postcards or birthday cards, and nude portraits—skillfully done—were praised as art studies, as they were in the work of Dodgson’s contemporary Julia Margaret Cameron. Victorians saw childhood as a state of grace; even nude photographs of children were considered pictures of innocence itself."
Back to this book--it's a very easy read and rich in details about Victorian life. Imagine having 5 daughters who all wore white in the summer with 3 petticoats? Rowing in the summer, of course, wear a boater and white linen suit! Benjamin makes Alice out to be quite snobby, but of course she probably was with being the Dean's daughter and this close {} to marrying a Prince.
You don't need to really know anything about Wonderland to read this.
The other books I've read of wives of famous writers (Under the Wide and Starry Sky and The Paris Wife make the writers out as less than what they were. That's the case here as well.
January 14, 2016
What a wonderful book! This is my first experience reading a book by this author and I was very impressed! Alice Liddell's story truly comes alive through her prose.
In all honesty, I have read Alice in Wonderland a few times and had heard before that it was written for a real little girl. But, I had no idea of the true 'story behind the story!' I was enchanted by young Alice and her fancifulness and at the same time worried as I tried to figure out Mr Dodgson and his intentions. I was so taken in by her life (even though I know it's a fictionalized version) and what she went through because of things that *may* have happened to her at a young age. Things that were not in her control. It's a great illustration for how an incidence in a life and its consequences can truly affect one forever. I couldn't help myself from googling for images and more information as the book went along. (A true sign I'm loving it). As she grew older and experienced heartbreak I felt for her and the also for the injustices she lived through.
Don't mean to sound so gushy, but I did really enjoy this one.
I highly recommend it to lovers of historical fiction and those who enjoy fictionalized biographies.
In all honesty, I have read Alice in Wonderland a few times and had heard before that it was written for a real little girl. But, I had no idea of the true 'story behind the story!' I was enchanted by young Alice and her fancifulness and at the same time worried as I tried to figure out Mr Dodgson and his intentions. I was so taken in by her life (even though I know it's a fictionalized version) and what she went through because of things that *may* have happened to her at a young age. Things that were not in her control. It's a great illustration for how an incidence in a life and its consequences can truly affect one forever. I couldn't help myself from googling for images and more information as the book went along. (A true sign I'm loving it). As she grew older and experienced heartbreak I felt for her and the also for the injustices she lived through.
Don't mean to sound so gushy, but I did really enjoy this one.
I highly recommend it to lovers of historical fiction and those who enjoy fictionalized biographies.
December 18, 2013
I really enjoyed this fictional account of Alice and her relationship with Lewis Carrol. It follows Alice through her growing up years into adulthood and the story of the effect of being Alice had on her. It was wonderfully written with just the right amount of the Victorian era's staidness and lack of outward feelings shown towards family, lovers, and friends.
The author used whenever possible actual events in Alice's life and spun a realistic tale of a life that seemed forever unhappy. She ultimately was able to grab onto happiness even though it was fleeting at the end of her life. Lewis Carrol, in many ways becomes a tragic character, yet he also seemed in some way to be a bit sinister.
At any rate, this was quite an interesting take on Alice's privileged life and the many tragedies that it had.
The author used whenever possible actual events in Alice's life and spun a realistic tale of a life that seemed forever unhappy. She ultimately was able to grab onto happiness even though it was fleeting at the end of her life. Lewis Carrol, in many ways becomes a tragic character, yet he also seemed in some way to be a bit sinister.
At any rate, this was quite an interesting take on Alice's privileged life and the many tragedies that it had.
July 19, 2023
Genre: Historical/Biographical Fiction
Publisher: Random House Publishing Group
Pub Date: January 12, 2010
Am I the only one who didn't know that there was a real little girl named Alice Liddell and that she inspired the classic story of "Alice in Wonderland?" Melanie Benjamin is one of my favorite authors, so I was delighted to find one of her early novels that I had not yet read, "Alice I’ve Been." Real-life Alice grew up in the 19th century in Oxford, England. She was a precocious tomboy and an easy-to-like child. “When I was six, I had known nothing. Now that I was seven, however, I couldn’t help but be impressed by how very wise I was growing.” This is truly a story within a story about what it feels like to be immortalized and then betrayed.
Between the age of seven to eleven, Alice grew up in the company of an odd and lonely man, Charles Dodgson (Lewis Carroll). He was a teacher and photographer before becoming an author. Their relationship had a strong Lolita vibe. Young Alice had a major crush on Carroll. At age eleven, she asked him to wait for her (meaning for her to grow up and marry him). When her mother discovered love letters written between them, her parents cut all ties with Carroll. This incident brought Alice heartache as a young woman, and the gossip almost ruined her life. Her mother ranted at the 11-year-old, “You wicked, wicked girl! That horrible man! You’re ruined, that’s what! Ruined! No one will ever have you now!” Jumping ahead, Alice Liddell married Reginald Hargreaves at age 28, which was considered an old maid in those times.
Halfway through the novel, I felt compelled to google Alice Liddell to learn what was factual and what wasn't. In Benjamin's author's note, she explains to the reader detailed research that went into the writing of "Alice.” She recalled discovering Carroll's provocative photograph of eight-year-old Alice at the Art Institute of Chicago entitled "Gypsy Girl.” As a child, Alice loved being the gypsy girl who was allowed, when with Carroll, to roll down hills and feel the grass. This is something her mother would never allow. Twenty-three-year-old Alice was shocked to learn that Carroll had made copies of the photo. She thought the photo was just between them. Theirs was a complicated relationship in so many ways. Carroll betrayed Alice by sharing the photo with others. And Alice betrayed him by never claiming he wasn't guilty of sexual misconduct toward her.
Following that, Benjamin focuses on Alice's life as a married woman with children. This part of her life was not particularly interesting. Her three sons enlisting in the First World War was the only time I felt a connection to the family. Turns out that, as in the book and according to Wikipedia, Alice Liddell Hargreaves became as stuffy and Victorian-minded as her mother. “She took to referring to herself as "Lady Hargreaves," but no basis existed for such a title.” This is interesting because she was a free spirit as a child, very different from her proper sisters who wanted to be seen as “good girls.” Maybe her adult behavior was a way to sever ties with her Gypsy Girl past.
My only issue with this novel is that it jumps from Alice as a child to Alice as a young woman through old age. I was left wanting to know more about child Alice’s life after she no longer had contact with Carroll. The way Benjamin portrays her, it is hard to see how she coped without him. Although there are no sexually abusive mentioned scenes, the book can still sometimes be challenging because of the relationship between a grown man and a female child. But Benjamin manages for the novel to read more pure than pornographic.
The writing, the character development, and the story left me engrossed in the novel from the beginning to the end when Alice is an 80-year-old woman. “But oh my dear, I am tired of being Alice in Wonderland. Does it sound ungrateful? It is. Only I do get tired.” So, was Lewis Carroll a pedophile? His photographs of nude or near-nude little girls suggest that the English author’s interest in children might not have been so innocent. No one will ever know for sure. However, it is clear that from the beginning of her career, Benjamin gives the reader a story-telling experience at its finest.
Find all my reviews at
https://books6259.wordpress.com
https://www.goodreads.com
https://twitter.com/NeesRecord
https://www.amazon.com
https://www.facebook.com/martie.neesr...
https://www.barnesandnoble.com/blog/c...
Publisher: Random House Publishing Group
Pub Date: January 12, 2010
Am I the only one who didn't know that there was a real little girl named Alice Liddell and that she inspired the classic story of "Alice in Wonderland?" Melanie Benjamin is one of my favorite authors, so I was delighted to find one of her early novels that I had not yet read, "Alice I’ve Been." Real-life Alice grew up in the 19th century in Oxford, England. She was a precocious tomboy and an easy-to-like child. “When I was six, I had known nothing. Now that I was seven, however, I couldn’t help but be impressed by how very wise I was growing.” This is truly a story within a story about what it feels like to be immortalized and then betrayed.
Between the age of seven to eleven, Alice grew up in the company of an odd and lonely man, Charles Dodgson (Lewis Carroll). He was a teacher and photographer before becoming an author. Their relationship had a strong Lolita vibe. Young Alice had a major crush on Carroll. At age eleven, she asked him to wait for her (meaning for her to grow up and marry him). When her mother discovered love letters written between them, her parents cut all ties with Carroll. This incident brought Alice heartache as a young woman, and the gossip almost ruined her life. Her mother ranted at the 11-year-old, “You wicked, wicked girl! That horrible man! You’re ruined, that’s what! Ruined! No one will ever have you now!” Jumping ahead, Alice Liddell married Reginald Hargreaves at age 28, which was considered an old maid in those times.
Halfway through the novel, I felt compelled to google Alice Liddell to learn what was factual and what wasn't. In Benjamin's author's note, she explains to the reader detailed research that went into the writing of "Alice.” She recalled discovering Carroll's provocative photograph of eight-year-old Alice at the Art Institute of Chicago entitled "Gypsy Girl.” As a child, Alice loved being the gypsy girl who was allowed, when with Carroll, to roll down hills and feel the grass. This is something her mother would never allow. Twenty-three-year-old Alice was shocked to learn that Carroll had made copies of the photo. She thought the photo was just between them. Theirs was a complicated relationship in so many ways. Carroll betrayed Alice by sharing the photo with others. And Alice betrayed him by never claiming he wasn't guilty of sexual misconduct toward her.
Following that, Benjamin focuses on Alice's life as a married woman with children. This part of her life was not particularly interesting. Her three sons enlisting in the First World War was the only time I felt a connection to the family. Turns out that, as in the book and according to Wikipedia, Alice Liddell Hargreaves became as stuffy and Victorian-minded as her mother. “She took to referring to herself as "Lady Hargreaves," but no basis existed for such a title.” This is interesting because she was a free spirit as a child, very different from her proper sisters who wanted to be seen as “good girls.” Maybe her adult behavior was a way to sever ties with her Gypsy Girl past.
My only issue with this novel is that it jumps from Alice as a child to Alice as a young woman through old age. I was left wanting to know more about child Alice’s life after she no longer had contact with Carroll. The way Benjamin portrays her, it is hard to see how she coped without him. Although there are no sexually abusive mentioned scenes, the book can still sometimes be challenging because of the relationship between a grown man and a female child. But Benjamin manages for the novel to read more pure than pornographic.
The writing, the character development, and the story left me engrossed in the novel from the beginning to the end when Alice is an 80-year-old woman. “But oh my dear, I am tired of being Alice in Wonderland. Does it sound ungrateful? It is. Only I do get tired.” So, was Lewis Carroll a pedophile? His photographs of nude or near-nude little girls suggest that the English author’s interest in children might not have been so innocent. No one will ever know for sure. However, it is clear that from the beginning of her career, Benjamin gives the reader a story-telling experience at its finest.
Find all my reviews at
https://books6259.wordpress.com
https://www.goodreads.com
https://twitter.com/NeesRecord
https://www.amazon.com
https://www.facebook.com/martie.neesr...
https://www.barnesandnoble.com/blog/c...
March 5, 2012
I adored this book! It's a novel about the relationship between Alice Lidell (who allegedly inspired ALICE IN WONDERLAND) and Charles Dodgson (Lewis Carroll). The Victorian historical details are lush and delicious (oddly enough, it reminded me the most of Libba Bray's A GREAT AND TERRIBLE BEAUTY series) and my heart was deeply touched as I viewed Alice's life through her eyes, both as a child and an adult. Although plainly fiction, Ms. Benjamin creates a plausible scenario by piecing together fragments of documented history. An incredibly satisfying read if you love historical novels and are fascinated by one of the greatest literary mysteries of all time!
September 13, 2023
Review to follow. I have a lot of mixed feelings about about this . Still taking it all in.
January 19, 2010
Cathy says:
We all know and love the classic tale, Alice's Adventures in Wonderland. I know that, time after time, I would lose myself in the story, fascinated and frightened by the strange and unpredictable characters Alice encountered, wishing that I could be Alice and experience Wonderland. I went so far as to make myself an outfit and wear it to school (in high school, no less) still yearning for an escape. My taste in books had perhaps matured but the surrealism of Alice's story remained seductive.
Many years later whispers and comments about the real Alice (Alice Liddell) and the possibility of a less than "pure" interest in her and other little girls on the part of the author, Charles Dodson, an Oxford Don, found their way to my ears. Dodson's photographs of little girls became the subject of concern as awareness of child sexual abuse rose in our collective consciousness. But, frankly, I didn't want to delve too deeply into the possibility of such impropriety and ruin my childhood fantasies.
When the galley for Alice I Have Been was given to me with fanfare and enthusiasm by my publisher rep, I was admittedly nervous. Certainly, it's a novel, but how much did I want to know about the real story of Alice and Charles Dodson? Well, it turned out, everything! Beginning on page one when Alice is 80, heading to America to be feted and honored, Alice I Have Been takes the reader back to Victorian Oxford and brings to life the world that Alice inhabited. It was a privileged world, and as a little girl Alice and her sisters met scholars and royalty. They were pampered and educated and exposed to many things, yet restricted by society's (and their Mother's) high expectations for proper decorum. The girls were dressed alike in layer upon layer of pantaloons and petticoats and pale dresses and polished shoes, and if one girl got dirty (usually it was Alice) they all had to change. No small feat. So when offered the opportunity to dress like a ragged gypsy and roll around in the grass, barefoot, who wouldn't?
Little, irascible, contrary, bright 7-year-old Alice tasted this bit of freedom and it was as if she had bitten the apple in the Garden of Eden. Alice I Have Been is the story of the heartbreak of Alice's life, the result of a feisty, lively imaginative little girl's desire for love and a lonely man's unfortunate choices, all made far worse by the strictures of their times.
This novel is a gem. It's for all fans of Alice, of historical fiction, and of compelling biographical stories. And book clubs will rejoice in the possibilities it will offer for discussion. It is just wonderful!
Jackie says:
I'm not a Victorian England kind of person, nor am I a great fan of Alice in Wonderland or Through The Looking Glass. Nevertheless, this book, a fictionalized account of the "real" Alice, Alice Liddell, caught and held my attention in a vice grip. Benjamin's research was exhaustive, so that Alice, her sisters and the clearly disturbed Charles Dodgson (who took the pen name Lewis Carroll) become living and breathing people again. The actual photographs of Alice in the book are priceless and add a profound depth to the story--more than once I sat looking into Alice's 'gypsy' eyes and wondering what the truth was. The Liddell family in it's privileged splendor, the father's position of Dean of Christ Church making them very powerful in England, the great restrictions on and expectations of women, all set the scene for the destruction of one life by the tender age of 11. No one is completely innocent nor completely guilty in this tale that follows Alice through to her twilight years, but the taint of scandal colors the world for them all throughout their lives. It's rather haunting (especially the last few pages), and continues to linger in my mind. I highly recommend this book.
Lisa says:
This was a wonderful historical novel based on the life of Alice Liddell who inspired Lewis Carroll to write Alice in Wonderland. Benjamin did an excellent job of telling a complex story of young Alice's relationship with Caroll aka Charles Dodgson - who was a young man at Oxford when they met. But is it more than that - it is about Alice's strength through a catastrophic time in her young life, followed by love and loss. It is about a girl becoming a woman - navigating Victorian England's strict moral attitudes with little help from those around her. It is told from Alice's point of view - which maked the book a strong and fascinating read. Great for discussion and book clubs.
We all know and love the classic tale, Alice's Adventures in Wonderland. I know that, time after time, I would lose myself in the story, fascinated and frightened by the strange and unpredictable characters Alice encountered, wishing that I could be Alice and experience Wonderland. I went so far as to make myself an outfit and wear it to school (in high school, no less) still yearning for an escape. My taste in books had perhaps matured but the surrealism of Alice's story remained seductive.
Many years later whispers and comments about the real Alice (Alice Liddell) and the possibility of a less than "pure" interest in her and other little girls on the part of the author, Charles Dodson, an Oxford Don, found their way to my ears. Dodson's photographs of little girls became the subject of concern as awareness of child sexual abuse rose in our collective consciousness. But, frankly, I didn't want to delve too deeply into the possibility of such impropriety and ruin my childhood fantasies.
When the galley for Alice I Have Been was given to me with fanfare and enthusiasm by my publisher rep, I was admittedly nervous. Certainly, it's a novel, but how much did I want to know about the real story of Alice and Charles Dodson? Well, it turned out, everything! Beginning on page one when Alice is 80, heading to America to be feted and honored, Alice I Have Been takes the reader back to Victorian Oxford and brings to life the world that Alice inhabited. It was a privileged world, and as a little girl Alice and her sisters met scholars and royalty. They were pampered and educated and exposed to many things, yet restricted by society's (and their Mother's) high expectations for proper decorum. The girls were dressed alike in layer upon layer of pantaloons and petticoats and pale dresses and polished shoes, and if one girl got dirty (usually it was Alice) they all had to change. No small feat. So when offered the opportunity to dress like a ragged gypsy and roll around in the grass, barefoot, who wouldn't?
Little, irascible, contrary, bright 7-year-old Alice tasted this bit of freedom and it was as if she had bitten the apple in the Garden of Eden. Alice I Have Been is the story of the heartbreak of Alice's life, the result of a feisty, lively imaginative little girl's desire for love and a lonely man's unfortunate choices, all made far worse by the strictures of their times.
This novel is a gem. It's for all fans of Alice, of historical fiction, and of compelling biographical stories. And book clubs will rejoice in the possibilities it will offer for discussion. It is just wonderful!
Jackie says:
I'm not a Victorian England kind of person, nor am I a great fan of Alice in Wonderland or Through The Looking Glass. Nevertheless, this book, a fictionalized account of the "real" Alice, Alice Liddell, caught and held my attention in a vice grip. Benjamin's research was exhaustive, so that Alice, her sisters and the clearly disturbed Charles Dodgson (who took the pen name Lewis Carroll) become living and breathing people again. The actual photographs of Alice in the book are priceless and add a profound depth to the story--more than once I sat looking into Alice's 'gypsy' eyes and wondering what the truth was. The Liddell family in it's privileged splendor, the father's position of Dean of Christ Church making them very powerful in England, the great restrictions on and expectations of women, all set the scene for the destruction of one life by the tender age of 11. No one is completely innocent nor completely guilty in this tale that follows Alice through to her twilight years, but the taint of scandal colors the world for them all throughout their lives. It's rather haunting (especially the last few pages), and continues to linger in my mind. I highly recommend this book.
Lisa says:
This was a wonderful historical novel based on the life of Alice Liddell who inspired Lewis Carroll to write Alice in Wonderland. Benjamin did an excellent job of telling a complex story of young Alice's relationship with Caroll aka Charles Dodgson - who was a young man at Oxford when they met. But is it more than that - it is about Alice's strength through a catastrophic time in her young life, followed by love and loss. It is about a girl becoming a woman - navigating Victorian England's strict moral attitudes with little help from those around her. It is told from Alice's point of view - which maked the book a strong and fascinating read. Great for discussion and book clubs.
October 2, 2020
I looked at Goodreads reviews before deciding to read this, and I would respond to those who say Lewis Carroll is spoiled for them forever and those who are incensed that such an inflammatory book was even written. Folks, it's FICTION, not history or biography, one novelist's take on conjectures that have abounded for over a hundred years. I also have researched Dodgson and the Liddell family for many years, and there is no real evidence that there was impropriety between Dodgson and Alice or that he was a pedophile. What is true is that he was a shy, retiring mathematics don with a speech impediment who never married (not terribly unusual among academics at the time), who was also a talented photographer and enjoyed the company of young children. The author is exploring possibilities, and she does it with beautiful writing while creating sensitive, nuanced characters reflective of their time. I love the Alice books, and this story does nothing to diminish that.
August 2, 2022
Melanie Benjamin has written something special here. It is however, the saddest book i have read in a long time. Alice Liddel's life as potrayed here is about surviving a continuously broken heart, not the story that should have belonged to the Alice the rest of us own. The author admits, in the end, that at least some of the story is a speculative web drawn tightly around not so related facts. But we should remember that it's a story not unlike the original one of Alice herself.
January 24, 2010
Have you ever wondered what happened to the little girl who inspired Alice in Wonderland? I must be honest - I'm not sure I even knew that the real Alice had existed until I read the blurb for this book. But, yes, real she was. The real Alice lived until the age of 81, had married and had three sons. But where did it all begin?
Alice I Have Been is fiction based on fact. The story is narrated by Alice herself and where no evidence remains, Melanie Benjamin takes artistic licence to fill in the gaps. Alice was the daughter of the Dean of Oxford University where she was one of 10 siblings who lived a very priviledged upbrining within the grounds of the University. It was there that the family met and befriended Mr Charles Dodgson (or better known to the world as Lewis Carrol). It was on one particularly hot summers day, while out rowing with Alice and two of her sisters that Dodgson made up the tale of Alice in Wonderland to amuse the three girls and for years afterwards Alice begged him to write it down. Little did she know that her childhood was to be immortalised forever.
The relationship between Dodgson and the three girls made me hugely uncomfortable, however. There were echoes of Lolita which I found a really unsettling experience while reading a book set in Victorian times and with such a quaint backdrop. There's something really unnerving about such little girls in their white muslin dresses with parasols being quite so obsessed with a man in his twenties. Charles Dodgson (a Mathematics professor at the Universtiy) was also a photographer in his spare time as well as writing stories. His rooms in the college were littered with toys and dressing up boxes for young girls to play with and his photograph collection contained hundreds of images if children in various, sometimes provocotave, positions. When she was eleven years old, Alice's parents had a falling out with Dodgson and he was never allowed near the family again. Nobody knows what happened, nobody ever spoke of it and after his death, Dodgsons family tore out parts of his diary that related to that particular time. One can only wonder what really happened but in the absense of any facts, Benjamin weaves her own theory around what happened one summers day to end that relationship.
The rest of the book follows Alice as she grows up, watches her as she falls in love with Queen Victoria's son Prince Leopold (there is evidence that this may have happened) and ultimately marries and has three children, only claiming fame and noteriey at the end of her life as the girl who fell down the rabbit hole and will be forever seven years old.
I really enjoyed this book. It made me feel uncomfortable at times (but then I suspect it was meant to) but ultimately the ride along with Alice was an enjoyable one. It has certainly made me want to read Lewis Carrol's famous book again too. Recommended!
Alice I Have Been is fiction based on fact. The story is narrated by Alice herself and where no evidence remains, Melanie Benjamin takes artistic licence to fill in the gaps. Alice was the daughter of the Dean of Oxford University where she was one of 10 siblings who lived a very priviledged upbrining within the grounds of the University. It was there that the family met and befriended Mr Charles Dodgson (or better known to the world as Lewis Carrol). It was on one particularly hot summers day, while out rowing with Alice and two of her sisters that Dodgson made up the tale of Alice in Wonderland to amuse the three girls and for years afterwards Alice begged him to write it down. Little did she know that her childhood was to be immortalised forever.
The relationship between Dodgson and the three girls made me hugely uncomfortable, however. There were echoes of Lolita which I found a really unsettling experience while reading a book set in Victorian times and with such a quaint backdrop. There's something really unnerving about such little girls in their white muslin dresses with parasols being quite so obsessed with a man in his twenties. Charles Dodgson (a Mathematics professor at the Universtiy) was also a photographer in his spare time as well as writing stories. His rooms in the college were littered with toys and dressing up boxes for young girls to play with and his photograph collection contained hundreds of images if children in various, sometimes provocotave, positions. When she was eleven years old, Alice's parents had a falling out with Dodgson and he was never allowed near the family again. Nobody knows what happened, nobody ever spoke of it and after his death, Dodgsons family tore out parts of his diary that related to that particular time. One can only wonder what really happened but in the absense of any facts, Benjamin weaves her own theory around what happened one summers day to end that relationship.
The rest of the book follows Alice as she grows up, watches her as she falls in love with Queen Victoria's son Prince Leopold (there is evidence that this may have happened) and ultimately marries and has three children, only claiming fame and noteriey at the end of her life as the girl who fell down the rabbit hole and will be forever seven years old.
I really enjoyed this book. It made me feel uncomfortable at times (but then I suspect it was meant to) but ultimately the ride along with Alice was an enjoyable one. It has certainly made me want to read Lewis Carrol's famous book again too. Recommended!
December 26, 2011
Non ho 34 anni. Ne ho 3,4.
E con questo libro il verdetto è finalmente raggiunto: a me le favole piacciono.
Ieri sera, mentre il verduraio sotto casa mi faceva gli Auguri di Natale, e guardavo distrattamente la nebbiolina mentre parlava, (nebbiolina quando si parla = molto freddo), io non vedevo l’ora di tornare a casa, prepararmi il tè, e tornare a leggere la vita di Alice.
Mi si chiederà: è una biografia attendibile? La storia della Musa ispiratrice di Lewis Carrol, è ampiamente documentata? Ebbene no, purtroppo le cose che si sanno della vera Alice sono quattro in croce, e la Benjamin, ha cercato di essere attendibile nell’immaginare la verità più probabile, ma di cui non abbiamo certezza.
Ma sapete che c’è?
Non me ne frega una cippa. La storia è bellissima. Tutto converge in quei piccoli dettagli che mi fanno andare in un brodo di giuggiole.
Ah, la storia ambientata nell’epoca vittoriana, ah il romanticismo sottinteso e i codici di comportamento che ti fanno intuire ma che non dicono espressamente, ah i personaggi inconfondibili (ce n’è può essere uno più inconfondibile di Alice?) , ah quelle descrizioni accurate ma non ridondanti, per cui riesci a immaginare persino il ricamo della crinolina della cameriera, ah, le belle favole!!!
Perché poi, la cosa secondo me riuscitissima di questo libro, è proprio la geniale continuità con l’Alice del Paese delle Meraviglie. E con questo non voglio assolutamente farvi credere, che dalla favola per bambini, si passi a una vita surreale e abbagliante, fatta di lustrini e balli di corte. Ma magari!!! La vera Alice si suppone abbia avuto una vita tutt’altro che facile, e la Benjamin è riuscita senza apparente sforzo, a tradurne non solo la storia, ma anche le preoccupazioni, le incertezze, la battaglia con gli stereotipi del tempo.
Un bon bon di storia, scritto deliziosamente, e dotato di una peculiare profondità al pari della favola nota ai più.
Dentro il libro, troverete anche tre foto della vera Alice, che riguardavo attentamente ogni dieci pagine che leggevo, manco ne fossi dipendente. Anzi, al diavolo l’ipocrisia, ne ero veramente dipendente. Dipendente da quella strana frenesia che ti prende quando vorresti saperne ancora di più, quando guardando gli occhi del soggetto, ti affanni a trovare quello che vai cercando, e molto spesso, parla di te.
Vi allego qua, l’unica delle tre che potete trovare facilmente in rete. Le altre mi auguro per voi, le scoprirete da soli, insieme alla magnifica, dolorosa e intensa storia di Alice Liddel.
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia...
E con questo libro il verdetto è finalmente raggiunto: a me le favole piacciono.
Ieri sera, mentre il verduraio sotto casa mi faceva gli Auguri di Natale, e guardavo distrattamente la nebbiolina mentre parlava, (nebbiolina quando si parla = molto freddo), io non vedevo l’ora di tornare a casa, prepararmi il tè, e tornare a leggere la vita di Alice.
Mi si chiederà: è una biografia attendibile? La storia della Musa ispiratrice di Lewis Carrol, è ampiamente documentata? Ebbene no, purtroppo le cose che si sanno della vera Alice sono quattro in croce, e la Benjamin, ha cercato di essere attendibile nell’immaginare la verità più probabile, ma di cui non abbiamo certezza.
Ma sapete che c’è?
Non me ne frega una cippa. La storia è bellissima. Tutto converge in quei piccoli dettagli che mi fanno andare in un brodo di giuggiole.
Ah, la storia ambientata nell’epoca vittoriana, ah il romanticismo sottinteso e i codici di comportamento che ti fanno intuire ma che non dicono espressamente, ah i personaggi inconfondibili (ce n’è può essere uno più inconfondibile di Alice?) , ah quelle descrizioni accurate ma non ridondanti, per cui riesci a immaginare persino il ricamo della crinolina della cameriera, ah, le belle favole!!!
Perché poi, la cosa secondo me riuscitissima di questo libro, è proprio la geniale continuità con l’Alice del Paese delle Meraviglie. E con questo non voglio assolutamente farvi credere, che dalla favola per bambini, si passi a una vita surreale e abbagliante, fatta di lustrini e balli di corte. Ma magari!!! La vera Alice si suppone abbia avuto una vita tutt’altro che facile, e la Benjamin è riuscita senza apparente sforzo, a tradurne non solo la storia, ma anche le preoccupazioni, le incertezze, la battaglia con gli stereotipi del tempo.
Un bon bon di storia, scritto deliziosamente, e dotato di una peculiare profondità al pari della favola nota ai più.
Dentro il libro, troverete anche tre foto della vera Alice, che riguardavo attentamente ogni dieci pagine che leggevo, manco ne fossi dipendente. Anzi, al diavolo l’ipocrisia, ne ero veramente dipendente. Dipendente da quella strana frenesia che ti prende quando vorresti saperne ancora di più, quando guardando gli occhi del soggetto, ti affanni a trovare quello che vai cercando, e molto spesso, parla di te.
Vi allego qua, l’unica delle tre che potete trovare facilmente in rete. Le altre mi auguro per voi, le scoprirete da soli, insieme alla magnifica, dolorosa e intensa storia di Alice Liddel.
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia...
October 19, 2015
Don't read this if you don't want to know how the book ends. There is much speculation as to whether Lewis Carroll was or was not a pedophile (from what I've seen and read I think he was) but what I found so disturbing was the way the author hinted at it from the beginning, the way Dodgson groomed those girls was exactly how a pedophile goes about finding victims. Everything in the book pointed to that being a fact. He photographed many young girls in little or no clothing. And yet throughout the book the blame was put completely on Alice. It haunted her whole life and then as an old woman we finally find out the details of "that day" and she accepts full blame, suggesting maybe she wanted love too much. OMG, anyone that knows anything about child sex abuse will find this disgusting!!!!! A child is not responsible for an adults actions. To this day we hear "she was asking for it" and this book perpetuates that. I found the whole thing made me sick to my stomach. Maybe it was a well written book, maybe the author wove an interesting story around the real life characters but why on earth she would suggest that if there was any impropriety it was the fault of a 7 - 10 year old child has literally given me nightmares. It was just awful.
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