Last updated on Jul 1, 2024

You're faced with giving feedback to a close friend. How do you ensure it's constructive and impactful?

When you're in a position to give feedback to a close friend, you're navigating a delicate balance between personal and professional dynamics. It's crucial to ensure that your feedback is not only constructive but also impactful, fostering both personal growth and strengthening your relationship. Performance management skills are key in such scenarios, where the objective is to enhance performance without compromising the friendship. By approaching the situation with empathy, clarity, and a focus on development, you can deliver feedback that is both effective and considerate.

1 Prepare Thoroughly

Before you sit down with your friend, take the time to prepare your thoughts. Reflect on specific instances that illustrate your points and think about what you aim to achieve with this feedback. Your goal is to help your friend grow, so focus on behaviors and outcomes rather than personal traits. By being clear and objective about what needs improvement, you set the stage for a productive conversation. Remember, preparation is not just about what you'll say, but also about anticipating how your friend might react and planning ways to keep the dialogue constructive.

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Anna Wildman

Originator CEDAR Feedback Model. Author "Now You're Talking! The manager's complete handbook to leading great conversations at work - even the tough ones"
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If you're newly promoted, there's always going to be some adjustment. At work things have changed slightly. It doesn't mean compromising on your friendship, but it will be great to confront the awkwardness and have a real conversation about how this will work well for you both. Ask for their help with this. Then, when issues crop up, a great way to look at an issue is as "you and me against the problem" not "you versus me". This also works well for the rest of the team, by the way.

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Christina Rasieleski

People-centered HR Leader I Employee Experience Champion I Executive Advisor and Consultant
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One thing I have found helpful when preparing to give feedback to a close friend is to consider their goals. As a friend you may have better knowledge and insight into their goals to help you frame the feedback as a detractor (or not) from achieving that goal.

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2 Choose Timing

Timing can make or break the effectiveness of your feedback. Look for a moment when your friend is receptive and not preoccupied with other stressors. It's best to avoid times of high emotion or stress, as feedback given then can be perceived as criticism rather than support. Ideally, choose a private setting where you can speak candidly without interruptions. By being considerate about when you talk, you show respect for your friend's emotional state and increase the likelihood that your feedback will be taken seriously.

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3 Be Empathetic

Empathy is the cornerstone of giving feedback to a friend. Try to understand their perspective and feelings before you begin. Acknowledging their efforts and strengths first creates a positive atmosphere and reinforces your support for their success. When you do address areas for improvement, do so with kindness and respect. Your aim is to encourage, not discourage. By being empathetic, you not only preserve your friendship but also make it easier for your friend to accept and act on your feedback.

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4 Focus on Growth

Emphasize the potential for growth rather than dwelling on past mistakes. Frame your feedback as opportunities for development and offer concrete suggestions on how they can improve. This approach shifts the conversation from what went wrong to how things can be better in the future. When your friend sees that your feedback is aimed at helping them achieve their goals, they're more likely to engage with it positively.

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Christina Rasieleski

People-centered HR Leader I Employee Experience Champion I Executive Advisor and Consultant
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Again, as a friend you hopefully know what their goals are. Framing the feedback as a tool to help them continue to move towards that goal is a great way to help person receive feedback. It’s natural to be defensive when we first receive constructive feedback. I have found it helpful to remind people this is what others experience and we have to determine how important changing that perception is to achieving our goal.

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5 Communicate Clearly

Clarity is key in ensuring that your message is understood as intended. Avoid vague comments that can lead to confusion or misinterpretation. Use specific examples to illustrate your points and be direct yet tactful in your language. A clear message helps your friend focus on the feedback without getting lost in translation, making it more likely they will take it to heart and make the necessary changes.

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Patricia Stazak

HR Manager | Corporate Culture | Human Resources | Internal Communication | Employer Branding | HRBP
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Aqui é muito importante ser objetivo com a mensagem que você quer passar. Não fique falando em metáforas. Seja claro quanto ao tópico principal que levou a esse feedback e traga exemplos que ajudem a pessoa a ver o que está fazendo e qual o impacto que isso vem causando (ou pode vir a causar). Confirme se a pessoa entendeu qual o ponto, se necessário traga mais exemplos.

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6 Follow Up

Feedback doesn't end with a single conversation. Offer your continued support and check in periodically to discuss progress. This follow-up demonstrates your commitment to your friend's improvement and keeps the lines of communication open for further guidance. It also gives you both the chance to reflect on the effectiveness of the feedback and make adjustments as needed. A consistent follow-up ensures that the feedback remains a constructive force in your friend's professional journey.

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7 Here’s what else to consider

This is a space to share examples, stories, or insights that don’t fit into any of the previous sections. What else would you like to add?

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Akram Khan
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To share feedback with a friend at work constructively, introduce the "feedback buddy system," where both agree to regular, reciprocal feedback sessions, fostering mutual growth. Use the "praise sandwich with a twist" – start with genuine praise, follow with constructive feedback, then involve them in co-creating a solution. Implement "future-focused feedback," emphasizing how changes can positively impact upcoming projects, not just past mistakes. Lastly, create a "feedback reflection ritual," where both parties reflect on given feedback, enhancing understanding and commitment to improvement.

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You're faced with giving feedback to a close friend. How do you ensure it's constructive and impactful?

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

1 Prepare Thoroughly

2 Choose Timing

3 Be Empathetic

4 Focus on Growth

5 Communicate Clearly

6 Follow Up

7 Here’s what else to consider

Performance Management

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You're faced with giving feedback to a close friend. How do you ensure it's constructive and impactful?

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

1 Prepare Thoroughly

2 Choose Timing

3 Be Empathetic

4 Focus on Growth

5 Communicate Clearly

6 Follow Up

7 Here’s what else to consider

Performance Management

Rate this article

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