From the course: Communicating about Culturally Sensitive Issues

Starting the conversation with connection

From the course: Communicating about Culturally Sensitive Issues

Starting the conversation with connection

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- Conversations about sensitive topics can be tough, and it can be especially awkward when one of the participants doesn't even realize that a conversation needs to happen. So how should you start a difficult conversation? Here's a simple formula you can use to get things started. Situation plus impact plus invitation equals engaged communication. Situation. In this step, you want to describe the situation, using what I call naked facts, facts that are completely stripped of judgment or interpretation. You're describing things in a way that the other person can agree with, regardless of their perception of the situation. For example, instead of saying "You made an offensive joke in the meeting yesterday", you would say, "In the meeting yesterday, you said", insert direct quote here. At this point, all you're trying to do is get the person to have a conversation with you on the topic. Impact. In this step, you want to describe the impact of the situation in personal terms. People might disagree with a contention, an argument, or even facts, but it's harder to disagree with your personal evaluation of the effect something had on you. For example, you would say, "That made me feel uncomfortable because" or "That made me feel concerned that" or "That impacted my work because". When addressing an issue that's more professional than personal, it may be more beneficial to frame the impact in terms of what's best for the company. For example, you could say, "This may have an impact on our growth because" or "This may lead to decreased cohesion and morale because". Invitation. In the final step, you invite them to have the conversation with you using a positive frame. You want to make it an invitation, because nobody likes feeling ambushed. The options here are now or later. For example, you might say, "I'd like to talk to you about this soon because" or "It's important for us to address this as soon as possible because". Now here's what all three steps look like together. Situation. "In yesterday's meeting, you said, X, Y, Z". Impact. "That made me feel really uncomfortable." Invitation. "I want to have a conversation with you about it, because we're going to be working together on this project, and I want to use this as an opportunity for us to get on the same page." A sensitive conversation may never be easy, but with this simple formula, you can make it easier for you and your conversation partner to start with less resistance and more confidence.

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