Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. Although Twitter has rebranded to X, the humor lives on.
Every week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on the social media platform to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents for more!
I can't prove he's involved (yet), but my 3yo has been obsessing over tow trucks for weeks and today we blew a tire 🧐 on nothing 🧐 for no reason 🧐
— sarah (@sarahradz_) May 28, 2024
whenever flight attendants are like, "if you have to assist a young child with an oxygen mask, put yours on first", i just think about how my child would scream at me, "NO MOMMY, I DO IT!!!!!!"
— emily may (@emilykmay) May 26, 2024
No one is full of more false hope than a parent with a new chore chart.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) May 29, 2024
7: so dolls weren’t invented when you were a kid either right mom?
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) May 25, 2024
me: for the last time it was just the INTERNET
Not now sweetie, mommy is trying to figure out if her Facebook friend who changed her last name to her middle name is getting a divorce
— Lydia Kauppi (@lydiakauppi) May 27, 2024
took my 6 yr old to the bathroom
— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) May 26, 2024
at a friend’s yesterday & she looked around & said “wow…..this bathroom is so pretty & shiny” & then she wiped & was like “mom you HAVE to try this toilet paper; it’s so thick and soft!!!!!” and long story short my kid just discovered wealth 😭
The most exhausting part of parenting that isn’t talked about enough is that kids constantly want you to watch the dance they just made up
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) May 26, 2024
3yo (confidently): But Mommy, people do not eat cows.
— Amy Colleen (@sewistwrites) May 27, 2024
Me: Uh, bud, we do. Hamburgers are made of cow.
3yo (uncertain laughter): Mommy, that is funny for pretend. But I mean for REAL.
Me: Yes, for real!
3yo (w/ scorn) No.
Me: What do you think burgers are made of?
3yo: People?
😶
My 6yo just told me all about this new place he heard about and wants to visit this weekend, so I asked for more details, aaaand it's a casino
— meghan (@deloisivete) May 29, 2024
My husband was telling our 3yo that the breakfast he made her “slaps” and my extremely literal child was like “mostly it chews”
— girl fieri (@realgirl_fieri) May 29, 2024
Who wouldve thought baby’s favorite bedtime story would be the air fryer recipe book that was thrown at me at a North Carolina show. Really makes you think
— Suki Waterhouse (@sukiwaterhouse) May 29, 2024
hypothetically speaking if your child brought a snail in the house, placed it in a doll house and then 10 minutes later it disappeared from said doll house what do you think happened to it and where might it turn up????
— amil (@amil) May 31, 2024
I had high hopes and dreams for major accomplishments this year but my 6yo is still telling me her story.
— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) May 29, 2024
My daughter got to pack her own lunch for the last day of school and it included a donut, 2 bags of chips, a shaker of sprinkles, and 1 tiny baby carrot because “it’s important to be healthy”
— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) May 30, 2024
My children are hanging out with my dad today. I was trying to send him a list of reminders and he told me if I text him again, he keeping them.
— Mom (@themultiplemom) May 25, 2024
Me: pic.twitter.com/wBWBcvNwsQ
You can have kids or you can always know where your scissors & tape are.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) May 26, 2024
But you can’t have both.
My 6 year old put a bucket over her head and climbed the new concrete stairs in our backyard. She immediately tripped & scraped her knee. Once the tears had dried, she sat down for some sober reflection and devised a plan to avoid a similar accident in the future: softer stairs
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) May 28, 2024
My 7yo randomly asked, "how much money do we have in our bank account?" We? Lmao
— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) May 25, 2024