What do you do if your lack of assertiveness and confidence is affecting your professional relationships?
If you find that a lack of assertiveness and confidence is hindering your professional relationships, you're not alone. It's a common challenge that many face in their careers. Assertiveness is the ability to express your thoughts, feelings, and needs directly, honestly, and respectfully. Confidence is believing in your abilities and making decisions without undue hesitation. When these qualities are lacking, it can lead to missed opportunities, misunderstandings, and a diminished professional presence. Fortunately, there are strategies you can employ to develop these skills and enhance your workplace interactions.
To address the issue of assertiveness and confidence in your professional life, it's crucial to understand its origins. Reflect on past experiences that may have shaped your current behavior. Perhaps you've received negative feedback in the past or have been overlooked for promotions, leading to self-doubt. By identifying the root causes, you can begin to challenge the limiting beliefs that are holding you back. Acknowledge your strengths and past successes to build a foundation for growth.
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Don’t let your past negative experiences steal your future successes. The root may lie in your limiting beliefs or generalisation of the past experiences. Reflect on who do you think you are and who you want to become. Find the gap between the 2 of them, prepare the action plan and move forward with baby steps, celebrating your small success and rewarding yourself for your progress. Your confidence and assertiveness starts within you!
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You don't necessarily need to know the origin or 'root cause' of a behaviour or belief in order to change it. What is most important is to identify what story or meaning you are giving to a situation (about yourself) and how it is manifesting in your behaviour so that you can consciously choose a different response. For example, I used to associate any kind of feedback with rejection and unworthiness... I interpreted feedback as 'I'm not good enough', 'I'm bad at this', 'they think I'm bad'. Once I became conscious of the way I interpreted feedback, I trained myself to make a more empowering meaning out of it like 'I'm receiving feedback because this person sees that I am capable'.
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Discover why this occurs through self-reflection and assessment. I believe in starting with the "why". Ask yourself what the root causes of your feelings are. Are they tied to specific situations or types of interactions? Keeping a journal is a good way to track instances where you feel less assertive or confident, and you can also note any common triggers.
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1. Breathe. 2. Acknowledge: Reflect on the reason behind your lack of confidence and assertiveness. 3. Reframe: Can you absolutely know that it's true? What are some other perspectives around this? Is there a scenario in work/life where you were confident and assertive? 4. Visualise: In an ideal scenario, what would assertiveness and confidence in professional relationships look like for you. 5. Transform: With your reflections, what is one tiny step you would like to take forward?
Improving assertiveness and confidence is a gradual process. Start by setting small, achievable goals for yourself. For example, aim to contribute at least once in every meeting or to voice a differing opinion in a respectful manner. These small victories will build your confidence over time. It's important to celebrate these successes, no matter how minor they may seem, as they are stepping stones to becoming more assertive and confident in your professional relationships.
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Developing assertiveness and confidence also comes from what you do FOR YOURSELF behind the scenes including knowing your needs, getting your own needs met, asking for what you need/want and developing a healthy relationship with yourself. All of this really boils down to self-worth, knowing that you are enough, you matter, your ideas matter and ultimately becoming self-validating rather than always seeking external validation.
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Becoming more assertive and confident is a journey, so break down your overall goal of being more assertive and confident into smaller, manageable goals. Celebrate your small victories. I remember participating in scenarios in college to learn to say "no" without feeling guilty because "yes" desired its moment in the sun. With regular practice, feedback, and the support of everyone, I found my voice and it now says no when it is appropriate to do so. One step at a time, significant changes are made.
Like any other skill, assertiveness and confidence improve with practice. Engage in role-playing exercises with a trusted colleague or friend where you practice expressing your thoughts and needs. This safe environment allows you to experiment with different approaches without the fear of real-world consequences. The more you practice, the more natural assertive communication will become, and the more confident you will feel when it's time to apply these skills in actual professional scenarios.
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Assertiveness and confidence skills are developed over time with practice: • Assertiveness Training: This type of training is designed to improve assertive communication, teaching you how to express needs and opinions openly and respectfully. • Public Speaking: Consider joining a Toastmasters club. Toastmasters is an excellent resource for building confidence and improving your speaking skills. It can help you find your assertive voice and the confidence to use it in various situations where you need to assert yourself. • Role-Playing: Ask your friends to assist by practicing scenarios where you need to be more assertive. Role-playing can be fun and informative.
Constructive feedback is invaluable for personal development. Seek out a mentor or a peer who can provide honest feedback on your communication style and interactions. They can offer insights into how you're perceived by others and suggest areas for improvement. Be open to this feedback, even if it's challenging to hear, and use it as a guide for your continued growth in assertiveness and confidence.
There are specific techniques you can learn to boost your assertiveness and confidence. For instance, the 'broken record' technique involves calmly repeating your point of view or request until it is acknowledged. Learning to maintain eye contact, use a firm tone of voice, and employ positive body language can also convey confidence and command respect. Educate yourself on these methods and incorporate them into your daily interactions to strengthen your professional presence.
Finally, reflection is a key component of personal development. After each professional interaction, take a moment to reflect on what went well and what could be improved. Did you communicate your ideas effectively? Were you able to maintain confidence under pressure? Use these reflections to adjust your approach for future situations. Continuous self-assessment and willingness to adapt are essential for developing lasting assertiveness and confidence in your professional relationships.
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